DS Episode 2 - Find Yourself A Man - Writers Forum

Diego · 04-14-2007, 09:37 AM

‘Susan’s Classroom’

Rhonda (VO)
Susan Murray knew from the beginning that she would hate going through pregnancy again. It was a painful familiarity the she had experienced 3 times before.

We see a picture of her 3 kids.

Rhonda (VO)
She hated the incessant eating,

We see Susan stuffing food into her mouth.

Rhonda (VO)
The morning sickness

Susan is groggily walking to her desk.

Rhonda (VO)
And most of all, the giant bump.

Now, Susan is at her desk while her class is working. Michael walks in and to her desk.

Michael
Susan I have a question.

Susan
What?

Michael
Do you know when grades are due for the mid-term?

Susan
Michael, it’s coming.

Susan’s water breaks all over the floor.

Susan
Oh my god. Get me to a hospital.

Michael wheels Susan out into the hallway in her swivel chair.

‘Hallway’
Michael is running Susan down the hallway in her swivel chair. She is screaming.

Michael
It’s gonna be okay.

Susan
Get me an ambulance!

Michael runs past Jess’s room and yells into her.

Michael
Jess call an ambulance!

‘Outside Ava’s Office’

Michael is going toward the front door, which is near Ava’s office.

Susan
Call my mother and my husband and my sister.

Michael
I don’t have those numbers, who does?

Susan
Burke!

They are now passing Ava’s office. They stop at her door.

Ava
What’s going on?

Susan screams.

Ava
Oh

Michael
Why don’t you go in the ambulance, moral support? And bring your phone book.

Ava grabs her phonebook and gets out of her chair. She then follows Michael and Susan out the door.

‘Outside the School’

The ambulance is outside, the paramedics are getting out of the ambulance.

Michael
This is her.

Female Paramedic
Oh, really?

The paramedics load Susan up into the ambulance. Ava get’s in with her.

Rhonda (VO)
But as all pregnant women know, When it’s time…

Susan is screaming as they close the ambulance door.

Rhonda (VO)
It’s time.

Diego · 04-14-2007, 09:38 AM

‘Craig’s Office’

We see Craig sitting behind his desk talking to 2 librarian candidates. 1 Guy (Art) 1 girl (Cealy)

Rhonda (VO)
New faces are very common at a middle school. Weather it be new students or new staff, Craig Perry is very welcoming to everyone.

Craig
I’m not usually a man of desperation, but now I am. Now I’ve reviewed your applications and resumes, and you’re both very very qualified. So tell me why you should get the job.

Art
I don’t really want to be here. My wife just wants me to get a job.

Cealy
But Mr. Perry

Craig
Call me Craig

Cealy
Craig, I don’t want to get this job just because the competition dropped out.

Art
I didn’t drop out. I was just honest.

Cealy
I want this job only if you think I meet the great expectations of this school.

Craig
Art, I’m sorry, but I don’t think this is the job for you. I want someone who wants to be here.

Art
Okay.

Art walks out of the room, and shuts the door behind him.

Craig
So, Cealy. I guess you have the job. Congrats.

Cealy
Thank you Mr. Perry

Craig
Call me Craig

‘Computer Lab’
Jessica’s Class is in the computer lab working. Jessica sees Danielle walking by. Jessica gets up and goes out into the hallway to talk to Danielle.

‘Hallway’

Jessica
Hey

Danielle
Oh, hi.

Jessica
Where are you going, doesn’t your class have that big test you were screaming about yesterday?

Danielle
Going to check out the fresh meat?

Jessica
What?

Danielle
Craig hired a new librarian. Oh he also hired some new gym teacher from Chicago.

Jessica
New gym teacher?

Danielle
Someone complained about the 40 person gym classes.

They turn around and see Craig showing Cealy the library.

Jessica
I guess that’s her. She looks nice enough.

Danielle
I wonder if Nora’s met her.

Jessica
No woman on this earth could replace Rhonda.

Just then Craig falls on the ground and is struggling for breath. Nora runs out of the library to see him

Nora
Oh my god! Craig.

Cealy begins giving Craig CPR. A few seconds later the nurse, Mrs.Freigle, shows up. Craig stands up perfectly healthy.

Danielle
Well, maybe one.

mammamaia · 04-14-2007, 06:56 PM

sorry, but this is not even close to what a proper script looks like... i'm assuming you meant it for an ongoing tv series, though i've no clue what 'ds' is...

if you're in the uk, it may be possible to submit something, but in the us it is not... unless you're already working as a writer in the industry and have good connections at the network that runs the series, no one will even look at your proposed episode... legal depts don't allow it...

if you want some help learning proper script format, you can email me, as i work with many aspiring film/tv writers... i

love and hugs, maia
maia3maia@hotmail.com

Diego · 04-15-2007, 11:50 AM

DS stands for Dirty Standards, I just didn't want to make a long thread title.

I mean, besides the colors, what is wrong with my format?

Kimba · 04-15-2007, 06:00 PM

It's too centralised. The action and slug lines should be aligned to the left. As far as I know, speaking characters are in all caps. eg:

JESSICA
No woman on this earth could replace Rhonda.

mammamaia · 04-15-2007, 07:24 PM

what's wrong:

1. you have no slug lines... 'Computer Lab' is not a proper scene heading...

2. character names in dialog do not get underlined... do go in all-caps... and no color other than black is used anywhere in the script...

3. action/direction element goes all the way across the page... nothing is centered...

...that's just for starters... email me for a format guide, if you want to know more...

BillinNC · 04-15-2007, 07:29 PM

If it's one thing I do know about screenplays it's the format--this is no way near the standard US format... There are no slug lines either...

INT. HALLWAY-DAY None of that is present...

It's an engaging story nonetheless but want to see more character development.

Diego · 04-15-2007, 09:52 PM

This is only a short segment of the second episode, there will be more story.

BillinNC · 04-15-2007, 09:57 PM

Diego--May I suggest Trottier's Bible or books by Syd Feld (Field) not sure of the spelling... I would also look into purchasing either Final Draft 7 or Scene Writer Pro (the latter is MUCH cheaper) but Final Draft is preferred by Hollywood...

It's completely up to you whether you go this route and also on your money situation..I don't have two hundred dollars to buy FD7.. but purchased SWP about two years ago..

Good luck with your story though.

Diego · 04-15-2007, 10:02 PM

I'm 14, and my parents don't know about it yet. How much is SWP?

BillinNC · 04-15-2007, 10:08 PM

I think it's about forty dollars.

Diego · 04-15-2007, 10:09 PM

Where can i purchase it?

Do you like the scenes posted here. I realize the format isn't right. I was kinda looking for the content help.