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Pocket Pathogens!
Humor! Mwahaha! Ahem.
POCKET PATHOGENS
Are you suffering from a harmful disease?
Herbert: “Mom, I’ve got a cold!”
Are you tired of being ignored because you’re not quite sick enough?
Mom: “Shut up, Herbert. Margie has polio, AIDS, cancer, pinkeye, AND a cold. You can just go to bed.”
In this unfortunate world of tragedy, evil, disease, and Christian apologists, it may seem like you are truly sick. Remember, though, there are people less fortunate than you in the world, probably even in your hometown.
But you can be better than them! Introducing new Pocket Pathogens™!
Finally, a way for you to get the attention you deserve! Simply open the protective package and remove the syringe containing the pathogens for the desired disease. Inject the pathogens into your left arm and let the fun begin!
Pocket Pathogens™ come in eight (and more) exciting flavors!
Rabies Raspberry!
Leprosy Lemon!
Gangrene Grape!
Acne Apple!
Chicken Pox Cherry!
Side Effects Strawberry!
Osteopor-Orange!
and Blue!
and even MORE!
Herbert: “Mom, I’ve got the mumps, botulism, the bubonic plague, a spastic bladder, lidocane poisoning, rheumatoid arthritis, transverse myelitis, hookworm, internal hemorrhages, a punctured lung, and diarrhea!”
Mom: “Oh, poor Herbert!”
Margarine: “But Mom, what about...”
Mom: “Shut up, Margie!” (smack!)
Pocket Pathogens™. Because you can feel absolutely horrible and still feel good about yourself.
Herbert: “I’ll never have to worry about being sick again!” (falls to the floor, presumably dead)
Mom: "Herbert... Herbert...? HERBERT! ... Oh well... What's wrong, Margie?"
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