Welcome to Writing Forums, one of the fastest growing writing communties on the web.
You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions, articles and photo galleries. By joining our free community you will
be able to talk with other writers, get feedback on your work to improve your writing skills, discuss ideas, share tips & tricks, network and make friends!
Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!
If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact support.
| Scripts & Plays Scripts, Plays, Movies etc. |
04-13-2006, 03:08 AM
|
#1
|
|
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Perth, WA, Australia
Gender: Male
Posts: 15
|
Is this a good opening scene for a comedy?
ODE TO THE YANGTH
INTRO
This is a true story. Only the characters, places and events have been changed.
We home in on a boat coming in to shore. Off walks a man, he is carrying a backpack and wearing shades.
EXT. TOWN
He walks through a town, passing various people and acknowledging them in a strong New York-Italian accent. He turns up a street populated by no one, but still acknowledges the presence of no one in a strong New York-Italian accent.
EXT. TOWN GATES
The New York-Italian reaches the town gates, but is quickly cut off by two guards.
NEW YORK-ITALIAN
Yeah, hey, I’d like to come in please.
FIRST GUARD
Oh yeah, and who are you aye?
NEW YORK-ITALIAN
Well, I’m Konjoung Yangth of course.
FIRST GUARD
If you’re Konjoung Yangth, I’m Tony Blair.
The First Guard nudges the Second Guard, who laughs, not knowing why.
NEW YORK-ITALIAN
Oh! Well, hi, Mr. Blair, I’m Konjoung Yangth.
FIRST GUARD
It was a joke, you bubble-headed idiot. I know you’re not Konjoung Yangth!
NEW YORK-ITALIAN
How do you know that then?
FIRST GUARD
Well first of all you don’t look anything like him and second of all he passed right through here not half an hour ago.
NEW YORK-ITALIAN
Ah. I see.
The New York-Italian proceeds to push his way past the two guards, who put up no struggle. They both fall to the ground as the New York-Italian walks into the distance.
FIRST GUARD
Hey, get back here! Hey! (to the Second Guard) We’ll get the next one.
SECOND GUARD
Definitely.
|
|
|
|
04-13-2006, 07:35 PM
|
#2
|
|
Wordsmith
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back 'home' on Tinian!
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,445
|
sorry, but that's not how a script is written... for a format guide and help, if you want it, you can email me any time...
as for the content, it makes no sense to me, whatsoever... and isn't at all funny, sorry to say... the name bit is an oldie and not so goodie... been around and used/abused in movies, since the marx brothers and before them, in just about every comic's vaudeville routine...
if you want a detailed rundown of all that needs redoing in this piece, you can send it to me and i'll explain everything...
love and hugs, maia
maia3maia@hotmail.com
__________________
For 100% free writing help/mentoring:
www.saysmom.com
"You must BE the change you wish to see in the world." Gandhi
|
|
|
|
|
04-16-2006, 01:26 PM
|
#3
|
|
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: I live in a small town in the middle of no where. There are lots of trees.
Gender: Female
Posts: 19
|
I did not really get it, maybe if would make more sence if I knew what was going to happen after ward.
|
|
|
|
|
04-16-2006, 10:23 PM
|
#4
|
|
Writer
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: California
Gender: Male
Posts: 37
|
Well, I admit that there is a certain sense of mystery. But I don't think there is enough action to hook on an audience.
But don't go by my word. I don't take a class on screenplay writing or anything.
EDIT: Augh, totally forgot the word "comedy" in your topic title. My comments should be taken with even less salt, but the point still stands that it doesn't sufficiently "hook" me.
__________________
--
|
|
|
|
|
04-17-2006, 06:49 PM
|
#5
|
|
Addict
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Wicklow, Ireland
Gender: Male
Posts: 185
|
I won't mention the script format as it has already been done.
I'm sorry but that's just not funny.
If I may suggest slapstick (Airplane, Naked Gun) comedy. I find it is much easier to write as you are not restricted by anything.
|
|
|
|
|
04-17-2006, 07:01 PM
|
#6
|
|
Ink Slinger
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Les Etats-Unis
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,568
|
I think its funny. I don't know much about scripts and all, but I like to laugh. it has a sort of strange humor to it, and I like all that stupid or Monty python stuff. I think its funny.
... 
__________________
|
|
|
|
|
04-17-2006, 07:29 PM
|
#7
|
|
Addict
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Wicklow, Ireland
Gender: Male
Posts: 185
|
Yes, Monty Python is good.
This script could use work however.
When re-edited I can give you a greater opinion.
|
|
|
|
|
04-17-2006, 10:19 PM
|
#8
|
|
Adept Writer
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Ohio.. blehhhh
Gender: Male
Posts: 905
|
no
__________________
If I make it as a writer, I'll write for the hobo, not the professor.
|
|
|
|
|
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
|
|
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:03 AM. Powered by vBulletin, Copyright ©2000-2007, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0
|
|
Newsletter |
 |
|
Subscribe to Majestic
the official newsletter of Writing Forums and lit.org
|
|
Link to Us: 
|
|
