Thread: Finish this story

Ok, here’ the start of a story, give it a quick read through and then post an ending.
Or if you would prefer then just carry on the story for as much as you want and the next person can go after you, either way I don’t mind, its just a short story I started but never finished.

The Break in

The control centre had settled down for the night, all the equipment had been turned off and the night men had gone home.
It was the holidays but it didn’t seem it, rain fell lightly onto the control room door that had been locked up with a padlock.
A hat rested on the chair, a workman must have left it, the dark night covered the control room in darkness, and it slept on through the rain.
A figure suddenly appeared at the door, as a flash of lightning struck behind it.
He tried the handle but of corse he could not get in, droplets of rain fell from his hood and onto the patio pavement outside.
He reached inside his yellow anorak and rummaged around for something to get in with.
Thunder clapped across the sky again, but he kept his face hidden, he had noticed the covalence camera above him and another inside the office.
He pulled out a rusty metal object. It had originally been off of a toy, but his dog had found it and brought it to him as a gift, he knew it would come in handy one day.
He stuck it into the padlock; the padlock was old and rusty just like the whole control room.
He herd a click and tried the door, it still wouldn’t budge, maybe it’s rusted over, he thought.
He looked in through the window; there was a small desk, covered in tea and coffee stains and the control panel sat in front of it.
If only he could reach it, he turned his head left to right, there was no one around, not even a guard dog, they were annoying creatures, that’s why he had one of his own, so that he could understand them, of course his one stayed in a kennel outside. He really hated dogs and was thinking of giving his away. But it did come with some perks. One time he had been on a mission and a dog had tried to attack him but luckily he had some dog treats on him his girlfriend had given him for the dog.
The glass didn’t look too thick, what the hell, he thought and made a fist; he covered his anorak sleeve with it so it wouldn’t get cut up and slammed his fist into the glass. It smashed a giant hole in the door, with not even a small alarm. He took another look round and then after a final attempt to get the door open, he climbed through the window. It was a bit of a squeeze, but he had gotten through smaller places.
He stood up and looked about him, nice small room, then he looked over at the control panel. It’s almost over, he thought as again he rummaged round in his jacket pocket.
"Freeze" came a voice from behind him; he actually did freeze with shock. He slightly thawed out and slowly turned round. Then unfroze completely as he realised who it was. Relief swept over him. "Dools, what are you doing here" the man looking in through the window had a big smile on his face. "Just helping out a mate" he said holding up a key. "Although, doesn’t seem like you need it ay" he turned it in the padlock and walked in through the door. He walked across the broken glass to his old friend and wrapped his arms around him "so Ensen, how you been"
"Uh, I don’t really think this is the time" said Ensen through what breath he had left, Dools always did have a tight grip.
"Oh yea sorry, so what’s the plan" "well…… wait when did they let you out of prison, I thought you had a few more years left yet" Dools let go and looked at Ensen face to face and smiled. "They let me out a few years early for good behaviour" Ensen moved back. "A few years early, are you sure?" "No, I escaped and I’m on the run" he said sarcastically.
But it wouldn’t have surprised Ensen if it were true.

Ensen looked out through the shattered window and clicked his tongue. Between the iron rails, bordering the stairs outside, Ensen looked out over an empty car park. That was good news; Dools hadn't hot-wired anything... Yet.
'God damn, Dools. If I'd known you were out of jail I'd have called.'
'Ah, look, it don't matter.' His tone overly friendly.
'Suppose not.'
'You want a cup of tea while we reminisce about old times. I am sure they've got a kettle in here somewhere.'
'Point taken.'
'So...'
'So what?'
'So, where's the money?'
'There isn't any.'
Dools curled his lips. 'So what are we doin' here then?'
Ensen tried not to but he sighed. 'Not everything is about money Dools. They've got information on me.'
'Ye, so have I. What's the point?'
'Think about it, Dools. What do you think they're running here, a health clinic?'
Dools stuck his lips out to the side and stared as hard as he could at the tiled wall. 'Now you mention it...'
'No. Just no. Before you say it. Please don't.'
Ensen wasn't here for money, he wasn't here for any kind of future gain. Well, not in the sense that most thieves would have been. He wanted to take back what was his. His daughter's file. It might give some clues as to where they had taken her. He wasn't a bad father. He was a drunk and he was single, but he loved his daughter more than anything.
'So...'
'So what, Dools? Did you just come here to wind me up because you're doing a bloody good job if you did.'
Dools didn't take any notice, he just shuffled on the balls of his feet and put his hands in his pockets. 'So...'
'So, I am going to do what I came here for. Look, if you're serious about helping, start off with that wall over there, see what bits and pieces of paper you can find. Look for the name Emma Sanders.' He pointed to a steel drawer on the far side of the room.
'Hey, that's the same name as your daughter isn't it?'
Ensen thought he had. Just for the briefest second he thought he'd understood. At last, the idiot understood.
'What you lookin' for someone with the same name as your daughter for?'
Ensen was a grown man. Hell, he had the beard to prove it, but right now he wanted to cry. He wanted to collapse on the floor and cry like a baby.
'Just look for the name, Dools. Ok?'
The strip of light on the ceiling flickered and everything went black. There was no light at all outside because the sky was moonless and without stars and heavy clouds were trailing their way across it's surface.
'Shit...'
'Dools...'
'Ye?...'
There was a thump as a wireless phone collided with Dool's head.
'Owwww. Jees mate. What the hell was that for?'
'Sorry, couldn't see what I was doing.' He paused and removed the small torch from his waist and clicked it so that the thin beam of light cast it's shadow over the security room.
'Hey nice one. Got one like that at home.' Dools was rubbing the brow of his round head and shielding his eyes from the orange light poking him rudely in the face. 'Lower it will you?'
'Sorry... Ok look, the feds will be here soon. Let's get a bloody move on ye? You go and see if you can get the power back on and I'll start looking for the file.
'Cool... How do I get the power back on though?'
'GO!!' Ensen roared before he could lower his voice. 'Shit, bloody hell Dools, look what you made me do. Just do it, ok?'
'Alright. No need to shout.'
Ensen thought of aiming a kick at him as he fumbled his way past the desks mounted by computer monitors but thought better of it. Not even kicking this pratt was worth losing his daughter over...

That's all I can be bothered to add lol. Somebody else take over, please. I realise there's way too much dialogue but I wanted to just go with the flow seeing as it's only a bit of fun.

Sounded good to me, I wrote this last year and when I introduced Dools I wasn’t going to make him anything like you’ve turned him into (an idiot) but actually your one is a lot better than the one I planned in my head.
Also I had no idea why he was breaking in to the control centre, you’ve given a great story line about retrieving his daughters file to see where they’ve taken her, and it kind of sets up the story on a bigger picture too.
This looks like it might turn into a longer writing challenge than I thought, oh well, anyone else wants to carry on, go for it.
I’ll look forward to seeing how it ends.

Originally Posted by Mr Write

Sounded good to me, I wrote this last year and when I introduced Dools I wasn’t going to make him anything like you’ve turned him into (an idiot) but actually your one is a lot better than the one I planned in my head.
Also I had no idea why he was breaking in to the control centre, you’ve given a great story line about retrieving his daughters file to see where they’ve taken her, and it kind of sets up the story on a bigger picture too.
This looks like it might turn into a longer writing challenge than I thought, oh well, anyone else wants to carry on, go for it.
I’ll look forward to seeing how it ends.

Thanks dude. Somebody just needs to take over now so we can see what other interpretations are born out of this.

Then a giant octopus came and ate them all up! The End.

Oh wait... I feel like I'm doing something wrong here...

Originally Posted by penforhire

Then a giant octopus came and ate them all up! The End.

Oh wait... I feel like I'm doing something wrong here...

I certainly won't be hiring your pen... And I bet you've had your fair share of ladies say that to you as well... Hehe.

No they all love my pen. Can't get enough of the 'special' ink.

Originally Posted by penforhire

Then a giant octopus came and ate them all up! The End.
Oh wait... I feel like I'm doing something wrong here...

You think!

Come on wouldn’t a giant squid have been more appropriate

Originally Posted by Mermaid on the breakwater

Thanks dude. Somebody just needs to take over now so we can see what other interpretations are born out of this.

Do you think the title puts people off, I’ve just read it, finish this story, sounds like I’m demanding it, all it needs it a Now!!! At the end and it would be.
Maybe that’s why no one else has replied except giant octopus guy.

Shut up you hurt my octopus's feelings. He's no giant. He just has big bones!

Right, anyway moving on, any one else want to finish from where mermaid on the breakwater left off?