Thread: 8 Bars

Ok, so I'm a bit of a song writer and I'm currently waist-deep in the making of what I want to be one of my most inspirational pieces. The title is "The Game", and it focuses on street violence in todays world. What I'd like from you guys, and what I'm hoping is going to be a bit of a different challenge for you, is 8 bars of verse (that's 8 lines to the beat I'm working with) because I want this piece to be a joint effort of a few different people.

The first thing you'll notice when you read through what I already have is that its a rap. Don't let this discourage you, as I can do a little tweeking and make pretty much any genre of lyric into a rap (I have a bunch of Coldplay songs that I turned into rap records).

Sometimes - the walls cave in,
You feel like you're boxed in,
Stuck in a world where we cannot begin to imagine,
The kind of pain that you're in,

Sometimes - the walls cave in,
You feel like you're boxed in,
Stuck in a world where we cannot begin to imagine,
The kind of pain that you're in,

Everyday - you lose somebody you love,
Gain somebody to hate, force somebody to take,
They fit your hands with guns, all they want is to dictate,
They want death for a cause, in this world you're the bait,
They won't give, so you're gonna have to take,
You say I'm faking gangsta, I say I'm rapping the pain,
You say I'm wannabe 50, I ain't looking for fame,
I'm tryna pass a message, you're a puppet in a game,

THE 8 BARS I'M LOOKING FOR FROM YOU GUYS WILL GO HERE

They gave you shit - this who you wanted to be?
Push yourself, push your mind and you can succeed,
Put down your guns, put down your knives and maybe you will see,
Open up your ears and listen to me,
I got something to tell, and you wanna listen,
Cos there ain't much sunlight through the window of a prison,
Who put the guns in your hand? Who put the drugs in this land?
Who put the pain in this world that we're living in?

Sometimes - the walls cave in,
You feel like you're boxed in,
Stuck in a world where we cannot begin to imagine,
The kind of pain that you're in,

Sometimes - the walls cave in,
You feel like you're boxed in,
Stuck in a world where we cannot begin to imagine,
The kind of pain that you're in.

So, write away. Drop me a few lines, a bridge, a whole verse, whatever you feel like. The final result will be up soon after and, if I can get somewhere to host it, I'll provide you with a link to the actual song (which won't be done for a few weeks, maybe longer, you understand).

Let me start off by saying that rap is one of the only styles of music that I truly hate. But as a fellow musician, I know how it is trying to make songs work, and how that little bit of inspiration you really need never comes.
These 8 lines I present to you might work, and they might not. They play a little off of what you've already said. It was difficult for me to find the rhythm in your song here, but I don't listen to rap, like, at all, so that could be the reason. But anyways, here goes...

A game in which you have no fame, a game in which you're filled with shame
Shame from what you try to claim, a claim that my shit's all the same.
But you don't know what I've been through, the trials of life painted blue,
Where every day I wake to find, all the days I've left behind,
Are coming back and haunting me, haunting dreams and taunting me,
Reminding what I never did, regretting every fucked up thought,
So tell what I'm supposed to be, tell me who you think I am,
And I'll tell you shit you ain't ever heard.

Again, I never listen to rap, so I have no idea whether this is good or not.