Thread: STORY CHAIN, ACTION/CRIME STORY

Well, as if the market was, if not flooded, certainly soggy, with ongoing stories, Id like to add my own.

Rules

1: Stick to the story, its timeframe and characters and settings must be fluid.
2: keep it less than a page, if u really have some good ideas, post, wait a few hours, and post again.
3:be tasteful and have fun


Click
A sharp sigh of relief escaped the mouth of Taylor Hinder as he slowly retracted a thin wire from the inside of an enormous lock. The lock, which was roughly the size and shape of a steering wheel, was set upon a gigantic circular vault door. Taylor sat upon his knees, clothed in all black and carrying only his equipment bag and a small sidearm. He placed the wire back in his bag and retrieved a small circle of metal, about the size of a quarter. Sweat dripped down his forehead as he placed the circle over a small opening, one of many that encompassed the vault door.
“the mags are in place” he whispered into a radio placed at his shoulder” The radio crackled softly before a faint voice came over the line
“Ok, Tay, you’ve got 2 minutes once your in before the air flow trips the heat alarm” The radio crackled once more and was silent.
Taylor nodded to himself before turning to his watch and setting a two minute alarm, the watch beeped once and the numbers 00:02:00 appeared in red letters on the face. Taylor reached once more into his bag and retrieved a small device which looked much like a standard TV remote, he took one look at the door and pressed a small red button on the device. Nothing happened, Taylor waited a second, still nothing happened.
“Taylor! What the hell is going on” another voice asked angrily out of his radio
“You’ve got no faith Big T” Taylor replied, smiling as he turned his radio off.
There was a faint metallic hum coming from the vault door, Taylor waited, there was a succession of sharp clicks as each quarter sized magnet yanked the bolts from deep inside the lock, pulling them outward until with a resounding boom the vault door fell straight off it’s hinges and Taylor stepped forward into the whitewashed room.
The low hum of a de-humidifier droned in the background and Taylor’s boots clunked loudly on the white tile floor. Light emanated from luminous tiles located on the walls and ceiling, bathing the room in a bright white light which seemed thoroughly out of place after the darks halls of the bank. Taylor cautiously took another step, the air tasted stale and fake, the whole room’s climate was precisely maintained, and the cold air rushing in from the open door would soon set off the alarm. Taylor quickly checked his watch, he had a little over a minute, he took 2 long strides and found himself in front of a seemingly blank wall. The wall looked the exact same as every other surface in the uniformly white room, Taylor dropped to his knee and began searching with his fingers for some unknown hint. He sighed and opened his bag.
From his equipment bag he took a cylindrical can. He popped the cap off the can and sprayed a thick black smoke over the wall, the smoke lingered, neither rising nor falling, yet in the middle of the cloud, the smoke was being drawn slightly, as if some unseen draft was emanating from the wall. Some unseen crack in the wall was drawing in air from the outside room. Taylor smiled again and retrieved a handheld circular saw from his bag. He silently started it, the motor was muffled and the blade sped up until it was only a blur in his hand. He hesitated for a second, and then pushed the blade into the wall, sparks shot out as the diamond coated spurs on the saw cut deep into the wall. Taylor cut a precise circle, and pushed his hand into the dark hole in the wall, his hand closed around a velvet bag and he quickly pulled it out. His watch read 10 seconds as he sprinted out of the vault, the alarm starting soon after him, emergency doors closing around where the vault door stood just 15 minutes ago.
His tall form sprinted down the stone halls, taking long strides and trying to remember the correct route out, a white sign reading “exit” in German beckoned him out of the bank, and into the cold night, he turned a corner leading into a dark alley and found himself staring down the barrel of a shotgun.

bump, *sadly hangs head at failure of story chain*

bump, someone at least tell me to stop bumping if this writing is horribly inadequate, I did do it in about 5 minutes.

I just don't think anyone wants to chain with a opening this long. Its not that its bad, its just that chains should be a paragraph or so to test writers creative ability.

good point, thanks man, ill just let this one die out by itself.