Thread: Resisting the sirens call.

My closed fist felt like lead as I rapped it against her frail wooden door.
Each firm knock sent a echoing thud through her house, and a thundering ache through my chest.
The crisp night air washed over me as I silently dreaded the invertible moment that the door would
open and I would be forced to stare into her hurt emerald eyes as I said my final goodbyes.
The door creaked open and the moonlight fell across the no longer sleeping princess...everything
about this girl was imperfectly perfect.
Her crimson hair that I constantly tangled by running my hands through.
Her deep, emerald eyes that held so much innocence and love.
Her beautiful, unmasked face littered with cute little freckles.
Her petite lips that are that fraction to small for my own.
All these things called to me like a siren attempting to lure a sailor from his calling.
My body screamed for hers, one last touch or kiss or....but I couldn't.
Like that wayward sailor I knew if I was to reach out I would forever belong to her,
my path forever lost to me.
“M-” She starts to say my name but I cut her off before I could falter.
“I’m sorry.” I take a deep breath to strengthen my resolve before lifting my gaze to her eyes.
“I’m sorry I couldn't be what you wanted, or what you needed. I always knew this day would
come and that's why I always tried to distance myself...but I need you to know this before
I leave.”
As realization dawned and hurt filled those emerald pools of love she stepped forward and
pressed her palm to my chest.
My dame walls collapsed and warm tears flooded my face. “You have taught my heart
emotions I thought I had lost the ability to feel...”
“2 minutes” A gruff voice boomed from the darkness of the unlit streets.
“Sorry princess but I’m out of time...I’m not sure if I’ll be back so I want you to know I’ll
always think of you...you are my heroine.”
With those final words I fled towards the night to immerse myself in darkness and escape her call.

Looks like an interesting begginning. I am expecting more as it appears to be incomplete.

Having every sentence it's own paragraph took some getting use to. I could not tell if this was intentional.

Check spelling on i and realisation, and look for erroneous spaces before and after quotes.

It is incomplete, its a prologue to draft if you will.

There we go, fixed the spelling and erroneous spaces.
As for the every sentence having its own paragraph,
I'm very new to writing and this is just how it came
naturally to me. Does it disrupt the story?

And thank you for taking the time to review my work.

It is incomplete, its a prologue to draft if you will.

There we go, fixed the spelling and erroneous spaces.
As for the every sentence having its own paragraph,
I'm very new to writing and this is just how it came
naturally to me. Does it disrupt the story?

And thank you for taking the time to review my work.

Writing style is not a problem if I know it's intentional.

In high school i read a book about the Civil War prison Andersonville. The author purposly omitted all capitalization and punctuation. I was bothered for the first page, but when I realized it is what the author wanted, I accepted it, and it never bothered me again.

Go with what feels natural to you.

Originally Posted by Manfredjed

Writing style is not a problem if I know it's intentional.

In high school i read a book about the Civil War prison Andersonville. The author purposly omitted all capitalization and punctuation. I was bothered for the first page, but when I realized it is what the author wanted, I accepted it, and it never bothered me again.

Go with what feels natural to you.

Will do, thank you.

The pot calling the kettle black! Or maybe that was intentional as well.
Anyhow, I'm interested mainly about who this gruff voice from the unlit streets belongs to. What relation is he to the narrator?

What do you mean by the pot calling the kettle black?
It's a mystery
Depending on weather or not I continue the piece the voice will be explained as someone taking the narrator away from his everyday life.
The fact that I haven't disclosed any information about him is to see if I can generate interest from the mystery.

You focus more on the woman here, so the mystery doesn't really have that effect. Maybe if you talk more about the voice, you can "generate interest."

Also, what I mean is that it's funny that Manfredjed lectured you on your spelling when he himself said "beggining" and "purposly," not to mention an unnecessary apostrophe, and forgetting to capitalize "I."

Thanks for the inlook.