avesjohn

Firstly, why are you calling me tex? I'm just curious. I have nothing against it.

Secondly, that last post of mine wasn't directed at you; it was directed at Foxee. You and I just happened to be writing our posts at the same time. And I wasn't angry or anything at Foxee. To me, it just seemed like they thought I hadn't thought about who Anthony was AT ALL. My bad for misintrepreting their message (if it was in fact misintrepreted), and for sounding so...well, I can't think of the word, but that word describes my tone in the last post.

But I guess I'm pretty passionate about my writing.

Exactly.

That's what Anthony is making behind everybody else's back with the girl (Sabrina). That and regularly molesting/raping her.

Foxee

Okay, no problem. I just wanted to be sure you were since I couldn't tell by the post for this thread. Character development can clear up a lot of details for the story is all I'm saying.

I'm not available to critique long stretches of anything at the present time, avesjohn, although I can probably manage short excerpts posted in the Writer's Workshop. I really haven't been critiquing at all due to chaos here at home. However, I'll try.

BTW...just a thought, but what is the time period for this? If it's present day I wonder if he'd bother with a darkroom when digital cameras are so much easier.

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avesjohn

"The Fragile" is tentatively set in December 2009. However, this is only because "The Boy With The Power", my more family-friendly (but still not necessarily for kids) story is set approximately in October 2006. "The Fragile" takes place 3 years after the events of "The Boy With The Power," except for the exposition showing the story of Sabrina's mother Rachel, from Sabrina's conception when Rachel was only 17 to Rachel's murder at 19 by Lance; those events take place approximately in 1994-1996.

I suppose I could modify the story so Anthony uses a digital camera, but that leaves me with a quandary of how Ingrid discovers his activities.

This part of the story goes like so: the basement in the mansion is a locked room (the reader can guess why, but James and Ingrid can't), which Anthony tells them is his darkroom (which it is), and if anyone else goes in there besides him, his work will be ruined. He develops his photographs he took of supermodels while on the job as well as the child porn in that room, although everybody else knows nothing of the latter. In the story, Ingrid sneaks into the locked room using a paper clip, and then she carefully closes the door behind her. (One of the themes of the story is corruption, and I just thought of this now: Ingrid sneaking into someplace she isn't supposed to be is kind of corrupt.) She walks through the room, in shock at what she sees being developed, and then sees another door at the back of the room leading to another room. So she walks into that room and finds a small television and a stack of videocassetes or (more likely) DVDs. She puts one of the videos in the player, and is stunned speechless when she realizes it is Sabrina, forced into making child porn by Anthony, along with another kid (the video is labeled with the kid's name). As she is watching the video, Anthony discovers her, gets his gun, and then comes back; he puts the gun against her temple (she's too shocked to respond) and says "What did curiosity do to the cat?" Ingrid is about to respond when--BAM! Dead.

So if Anthony uses digital technology, there needs to be a way it can be locked away (and not just on a computer) so Ingrid has a reason to walk into something she knows she isn't allowed to walk into. Besides, the idea of a darkroom, dark blue and black light, combined with what it is being made there, makes for a nice metaphor for Anthony's evil in the novel. Through my eyes, at least.

wmd

cause "whoa tex" sounds funny... but I guess it works better as an audible.


Anyway... Instead of a darkroom he could have a secret room that the lady stumbles upon. If he is rich than creating a secret room is no big deal. Perhaps the lady had been getting suspicious with him and watched him when he thought she was not home or something.

OR.... perhaps it is not a secret room at all. The best place to hide is right out in the open, right? He can dabble in amature photography, so have an office where he prints out his pictures and creates framed work and stuff. In that room there could be a secret shelf or compartment that she finds.....

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Foxee

Hmmmm...I'm not sure that using a darkroom just to give the gf something to discover is really a valid way to go. Unless, of course, he is a purist of sorts and loves the photo printing process itself for some reason... have you ever seen a darkroom? They are not all THAT secret due to the chemicals and tubs, etc. Not to say he couldn't have one but unless he has a compelling reason to do things this way I'd FIND a way for her to find him out via a digital means... like pics left on an Ipod, a phone... geez, pics really get around these days, you know?

Or have her find paraphanalia of some sort. Or children's clothes...something like that.

Sorry...drifted off the main point of the string.

I wouldn't obsess quite so much over obtaining the gun unless that is going to be integral to the plot (does the person who buys it for him leave a trail? Do they rat him out? etc.).

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imrhati

The Walter PPK would be a good gun for someone trying to be appealing to the public. It is very easy to conceal due to its slim design and is a good fire arm to boot. I don't know how available it is in the U.S. though.

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