Question about an expression. - Writers Forum

bLuE_MoOn · 08-23-2005, 12:55 AM

Im not sure if this is the right section to post this in ..so if its not feel free to move it where it belongs.

I want to say that something is really rare ..and doesnt happen very often. But i don't just want to say it was rare ...

This is my sentance so far ...

I know I shouldn’t play his games but when money for rent was as hard to come by as .........you didn’t argue or complain you just did what was asked of you.

Instead of the ....... i want to use an expression to show that it was rare. The only one i could think of was as rare as hen's teeth
In that case the sentance would read

I know I shouldn’t play his games but when money for rent was as hard to come by as hen’s teeth you didn’t argue or complain you just did what was asked of you.

Does this sound ok? I dont think i like it. Does anyone have any suggestions for me on what i could say instead. This line is really bugging me ..i have to get it right.

Thanks for any help in advance.
-Kelly

Quack Corleone · 08-23-2005, 01:41 AM

I think you're just setting yourself up. If you plug in "hen's teeth", then you're using a cliche. But if you use something original, you run the risk of being either too cute ("as rare as steak") or too in-the-moment ("as rare as cheap crude oil").

GD · 08-23-2005, 09:41 AM

I don't like that hen's teeth expression either.

I agree with the guy above, I don't know the setting of your story, but i think you should try to link it in with that.

"as rare as a penguin in the sahara..."

mammamaia · 08-23-2005, 10:13 AM

you seem to be heading in the wrong direction, semantically... money 'hard to come by' isn't 'rare' at all... it's out there, but for some reason is just hard to get, for the person who's speaking...

you should be looking for a 'doesn't grow on trees' equivalent, rather than 'rare' similes/metaphors...

JustJim · 08-25-2005, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quack Corleone

I think you're just setting yourself up. If you plug in "hen's teeth", then you're using a cliche. But if you use something original, you run the risk of being either too cute ("as rare as steak") or too in-the-moment ("as rare as cheap crude oil").

Well I'm wondering, as this is first person, whether 'cute' would be OK as long as it didn't step outside the character's personality. It might even characterize.

As to the question posed by Blue Moon, if you haven't finished the first draft yet, leave that problem for the moment. Put 'hen's teeth' in for now as a place holder and write on to the end of the story. You're going to need a re-write or two anyway - perhaps more - so when you go back having finished the story you might well understand your character better and therefore be able to solve this problem.

journyman161 · 08-25-2005, 11:09 AM

Quote:

I know I shouldn’t play his games but when money for rent was as hard to come by as .........you didn’t argue or complain you just did what was asked of you.

How about something like...
I know I shouldn’t play his games but when money for rent seemed to vanish faster than it accumulated, you didn’t argue or complain you just did what was asked of you.

or...
I know I shouldn’t play his games but when rent money was an ongoing major problem, you didn’t argue or complain you just did what was asked of you.

playstation60 · 08-25-2005, 11:38 AM

Wouldn't the "speaker" have to be talking to someone in order for this sentence to be "correct"? It goes from saying I, to you, without any noticable explanation.

*hopes he isn't off in left field on things*

Nickie · 08-26-2005, 02:48 AM

In Flemish, we have this cute expression to say we don't have enough money:

"Het geld groeit me niet op de rug", or:
"Ik heb geen ezel die geld schijt"

Translated:
"The money doesn't grow on my back"
"I don't have a donkey that shits gold"

BTW, I agree with Maia!

Nickie