Need Your Reaction To Moving - Writers Forum

memorexia · 04-29-2005, 07:08 PM

How would a 4 year old react to a sudden move, moving away from friends and this big change in his or her life?

Alright then I guess I have to be more specific basically I'm doing a short story about a child; a little boy who lives through pain and trauma (sp?) in his life and since the father is an alcoholic and the mother does not believe in her children the family is going through a hard time. The parents are always fighting, screaming at each other and the children the little boy and his sister are being abused. As a result the mother decides to move away and takes the children and the family spilts up.

Now I need a perspective on how a child would feel in this situation. I've been through the moving process and I cannot say it was easy. Opinons welcome.

Harlequin · 04-30-2005, 06:49 AM

I lived in the same house for fifteen years, but I when I got sick, I had to leave all my friends behind at college and now I don't think Il'l ever see them again. It's kind of depressing because college was the first place I had real friends who I was actually able to talk to about stuff other than video games. I try to keep in touch through the internet, but it's still hard.

mammamaia · 04-30-2005, 10:03 AM

y'wanna know about moving?... i'll tellya... by the time i hit 50, i'd made my 50th lifetime move!

since i'd spent up to 12 years in several places, you can see that in some years, multiple moves were made...

when i was 14, we moved from westchester county, ny, where i was born and raised [in several locations], to st. petersburg, florida... one of the most major of all my lifetime dislocations... the hardest part was moving back again, after only 6 months, since i'd fallen in love for the first time [of many] in my life, and had to leave the older, gorgeous guy i was besotted with behind!

if you want more examples of moving trauma, you'll have to email me, since there's way too much to burden this thread with...

fyi, for the past 10 years, i've been homeless [by choice] and moved constantly, all over the world... too many times/places to count... see my 'location' in the left-hand side info section of my posts...

love and hugs, maia
maia3maia@hotmail.com

ps: you can read some of it on my website under 'writiings' then 'other work'... title is, 'a weird life'... m

Fidelity · 04-30-2005, 10:45 AM

I moved more than five times before college.

I began to get used to leaving all friends behind, letting their candles burn out in the back of my mind, and making new ones.

As a result, I have no real sense of anywhere being my "home" or "hometown".

I hope this helps.

Pendulum · 04-30-2005, 11:59 AM

I've lived in 7 different places (that I can remember) and have gone to 9 or 10 different schools in 14 years. Whenever I move I leave all my friends behind. It's sad

lisajane · 04-30-2005, 11:25 PM

I've moved about eight times, six of which before I was 3 years old. Includes moving countries.

I always found it fun - busy, but fun.

memorexia · 05-01-2005, 12:19 AM

Alright then I guess I have to be more specific basically I'm doing a short story about a child; a little boy who lives through pain and trauma (sp?) in his life and since the father is an alcoholic and the mother does not believe in her children the family is going through a hard time. The parents are always fighting, screaming at each other and the children the little boy and his sister are being abused. As a result the mother decides to move away and takes the children and the family spilts up.

Now I need a perspective on how a child would feel in this situation. I've been through the moving process and I cannot say it was easy. Opinons welcome.

EDIT - This is really helpful keep it coming you guys

osiris · 05-02-2005, 05:24 PM

I moved twice as a kid - once at age 2 and once at age 6. I don't remember the first move of course, but I do remember the second. My dad gave me money so I could buy candy for the neighborhood kids at the place we were leaving. When I moved in I made a friend the first day and that was that.

I think that the separation of the family would affect a four year old a lot more than moving away...

horrorcrafter · 05-02-2005, 07:37 PM

Kids are alot more resilient than adults... more flexible and adaptive than we. I don't think it would phase the kid after the first two weeks or so.
Yours from experience,
Horrorcrafter

barnsturm · 05-16-2005, 07:29 PM

We moved when my daughter was 4. She's almost eight now. She wasn't in the least traumitized, and now she barely remembers the house we lived in before then, only vague memories about the butterfly wallpaper in her room and the bright blue shag carpet in the computer room. She doesn't remember the scary basement bathroom, nor the million Miller moths in the garage in June, nor the putrid brown carpetting in the kitchen.

mammamaia · 05-17-2005, 08:36 AM

a four year old won't notice the move as much as a change in the family dynamic... if the family remains stable [even if dysfunctional], the child will just accept the change in environment...

one that young won't have strong attachments to friends and neighbors, but may notice a change in bedroom, etc., if the same furniture isn't moved along with them...

that 'notice' may be pleasant or not, depending on the circumstances... if the mother or other close family member prepares the child for the move, it won't make any real difference...

i moved my youngest of 7 at age 4 [and her 10 year old sister], all the way across the country, to a very different natural environment... from las vegas to connecticut... even though we'd left their father and 5 grown siblings behind, because i discussed the move with them at great length beforehand, and we then went househunting together, it was an exciting adventure, not a trauma...

Raven13 · 05-19-2005, 04:47 PM

I agree with the above two posts - when I was four, my parents moved us out of an apartment and into a house in the same general geographic area, and the only thing I remember is a sense of newness, but not much else, so it didn't leave much of an impression on me either way. As to the apartment we moved out of, I remember it but only in a vague, neutral way.

Nickie · 05-19-2005, 04:57 PM

I must agree with Maia and Raven. I don't think a kid is traumatised by moving places.

I have never experienced this first hand - I'm still living in the same house where I was born (well, I was actually born is hospital, but mum came home with me after a couple of days)) for 49 years now. Hard to believe, eh? But moving around is not as common in Belgium as it is in the US.

My cousins, though, they moved house quite a lot as their father was in the military. From Brussels to Cologne, from Cologne to Liege, from Liege to Bruges, ... Never seemed to trouble them. They were glad to make new friends.

The only thing is that both Fred and William now can't seem to stay put either. Both have lived in different towns.

Nickie

Nola · 07-22-2005, 02:27 AM

I hate to be the one to disagree, but I guess I will. My mother divorced my father when I was 5, and we moved out of the family home shortly thereafter. There had already been some hard times before the split, so I'm sure that didn't help, but I know that the move itself was very hard. Mom tried her best, I suppose, and the new house was nice enough, but it didn't feel like 'home', in any sense of the word. It wasn't 'my' room, 'my' yard, 'my' school... it was very disorienting. I still, to this day, think back on that first house as home, even though it's been many, MANY *coughs* years since I lived there. The new place didn't have the emotional history the old one did, and nothing seemed... well, there, for lack of a better word. It's nothing that can be explained simply and quickly, so just take my word for it that a move at a young age can be very hard indeed. I was put in a position of moving my son at the age of 5 *just a couple of years ago*, and it was terribly hard on him. It's had some lasting effects, although he is doing better these days. Love helps, of course, but there is still always something lost when a child is taken from the place they consider home. The ripping out of roots is a painful thing.

journyman161 · 07-22-2005, 03:23 AM

We moved when I was 3 to 4 then again a couple of years on. At that age, a kid's focus is only just starting to branch out from mum & family.

If it is a combined break-up of family & a move, the child would notice the move more by the sudden change in the family, than missing anything of the prior environment.

I remember being quite excited at all the packing & getting to ride in the furniture van, but no traumas, but we didn't have a breakup to deal with.