Ask The Opposite Sex Thread - Writers Forum

Logos · 10-08-2004, 03:51 PM

As suggested by silvrwriter in the "Describing a Guy" thread http://www.writingforums.com/viewtopic.php?t=4914

I know that not many of us can claim to be experts on both sexes, and we have questions about motivations and perceptions; hopefully this will help.

I'll start off:

Question for a female:
"When you are observing a guy, what do you observe about them, and what kinds of conclusions do you draw based on your observations?"

pharseer · 10-08-2004, 05:02 PM

That's not an easy question to answer. There's the physical; for me, face, hands, general build, hair and eyes. Then there's the behavioral; a guy that smirks when you meet his eyes...I think that guy's too full of himself and it makes him less attractive/interesting. A guy that's really loud and drawing a lot of attention to himself seems immature and boring. A guy that's reading or drawing seems more intellectual and (to me) more interesting. It's all situational. It all depends on what you're attracted to and what you're not. Women have criteria the same as men; I wouldn't date this kind of guy, I would totally be hot for that kind of guy... It really depends on your character.

Logos · 10-11-2004, 01:49 PM

Thats helps a bit, let me try being more specific.
I'll describe a hypothetical male character and ask you to post the conclusions that you draw about who he is.

You see a gentleman carrying a bookbag at his side. He's wearing a navy blue coat that's torn in places. His eyes have a light blue tint to them, and he has a short hair-cut slicked back with gel. He is wearing a pair of clean khakis, a pair of worn leather penny-loafers, and a grey sweater. He is cleanly shaved and despite his ragged coat he appears to be well groomed. He appears to be between the ages of 19 and 24, he is walking with a brisk step down the halls of a campus. He has a long stride, and you can see his socks when he steps, his pants may be an inch to short. His socks are black with a single red stripe running down them.

I've tried to present an unbiased and disorganized group of details, I'd be interested to know which of the details about this man are you most likely to notice first. Would you notice his socks? What do you think about the mans coat? Is this person intresting or are you likely to ignore him?

Finally, Who do you think he is based on this observation?

I know it's tough but thats the question I really want answered, I know that liking and disliking someone is a highly subjective thing.

Drzava · 10-19-2004, 05:58 PM

Question for female: got any pics?

Creative_Insanity · 10-19-2004, 10:58 PM

The things we observe in guys differ from girl to girl, because we’re different people and we admire different qualities in a guy. So, I propose that all females answering this question provide a brief description of themselves before describing what they observe in guys.

A boycrazy 12-year-old would observe different things in guys than a 36-year-old single who’s been through many relationships. From the young girl’s perspective, she notices the cute, spiky bleached hair, the dimples, the killer smile, the athletic skills, the popularity, the (*blush*) suggestive jokes.

From the 36-year-old veteran’s perspective, she notices how kind he is, what field he studies, how intelligent he is, what religion he follows, whether he likes kids or not, if he shares the same values as she does, if the important things matter to him.

Okay, so the 36-year-old won’t miss his killer abs and biceps either, but . . . you get the point. Usually by the time you’ve had a few relationships, you begin to truly value the inside more than the outside, because you’ll have found out by then that looks don’t satisfy, and they often let you down.

I’m a shy person, not very social. I keep my distance. I love to read, write, listen to music, and watch movies. I’m a very logical and rational person, but despite this, I can be a dreamer.

First off, physical. I notice the way he does his hair. Is there a lot of gel? Is it bleached and styled? And the way he dresses. Are they fashionable clothes? Are they expensive? And his demeanor. Is he loud and talkative? Does he make lots of jokes and attract attention to himself? If yes to all of these, I already suspect he’s a jerk. He pays too much attention to the way he looks and he’s self-centered.

I’m more impressed by guys who are reserved and make comfortable clothing and hairstyle choices.

Next, non-physical. Is he arrogant? Rude because it’s “funny”? A smart-ass?

Or is he quiet? Thoughtful?

You get the gist.

Marska · 10-21-2004, 12:31 AM

I think that is what happens, especially on the male side of the equation; guys really do give into the stereotypes and we end up clumping every female together until we get a slap across the face (even the best of us fall prey to this).

I really do think that the problem isn't so much that we are different, its that we are really isolated beings and its only the way we are raised that counts as how we are (and how we can make such stereotypes).

Personally, the female view is good because they were more than likely than not brought up to be more... Accomdating and wishful for harmony than the typical values associated with the male sex (where we are told to favor aggression and all that).

But as a single being, we can only make the stereotypes we know the world applies to us, and tell everyone the ones we learned to live with and become. Everyone sees the world different and aside from the physical differences, women are as different to men as men are different to other men, women are to women, and thats about it.

Creative_Insanity · 10-21-2004, 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marska

Everyone sees the world different and aside from the physical differences, women are as different to men as men are different to other men, women are to women, and thats about it.

I agree. Well said, Marska.

Ozmandius · 10-21-2004, 08:46 PM

Quote:

But as a single being, we can only make the stereotypes we know the world applies to us, and tell everyone the ones we learned to live with and become. Everyone sees the world different and aside from the physical differences, women are as different to men as men are different to other men, women are to women, and thats about it.

Let me guess. You were orphaned as a child and raised by a pack of thereapists in the jungle.

Hate to break it to you sparky, but that kind of wishfull idealism has as much to do with reality as Sadam being the Bogeyman. The differences between men and women are entirely real (as opposed to the social construct you suggest) and are ingrained into our very natures and biology. We're not taught to be different. We ARE different.

Oz

Creative_Insanity · 10-21-2004, 10:38 PM

I thought that's what he said. That we ARE different. But that we're ALSO different within each group.

Tyson · 10-21-2004, 11:40 PM

Quote:

Let me guess. You were orphaned as a child and raised by a pack of thereapists in the jungle.

HAHA that is great I love that. Sorry I am overly hyper at the moment
Tyson

Kimberly Bird · 10-22-2004, 11:57 AM

For the original question, I think the first thing that attracts me to a guy is how he carries himself, confidence. I even love how some men ride their Harleys or horses if that makes any sense. Then the eyes are probably the next thing. Eyes speak a lot, depth of character, intelligence, sensuality...

Kimberly

Logos · 10-22-2004, 12:04 PM

This is good information, it helps a whole lot. I understood the subjectivity of the question when I asked it, but now we've moved away from the general and on to the specific. Awesome.

NoWorries · 10-22-2004, 03:23 PM

I'm going to throw out a new question.

Girls: Can you tell when the main character in a story/book is female and she's been written by a man?

Since I read mostly flash fiction, a lot of times I don't even look at the authors name, it usually jumps right out at me if the main character is male and the author is a woman. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but there are just different things that get noticed by a woman that I would never think to include in my descriptions.

I'd assume it's twice as bad the other way around, but being guilty of it, I can't see the infraction.

mischa · 10-22-2004, 11:11 PM

I probably wouldn't know if I didn't see the cover. Plus, it doesn't matter, as long as it's a good read then I've got no problem with the author being a female an the main character being a male and vice versa. It's kind of like the Harry Potter books. J.K Rowling is a woman and she writes about a teenage boy, and the books are great.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoWorries

there are just different things that get noticed by a woman that I would never think to include in my descriptions.

That's because you're used to action, quick paced books (as you said), a woman's description would be very different to that of a guy, I think it all depends on your previous reads and what type of books you like.

Rajie · 10-29-2004, 04:56 AM

Quote:

You see a gentleman carrying a bookbag at his side. He's wearing a navy blue coat that's torn in places. His eyes have a light blue tint to them, and he has a short hair-cut slicked back with gel. He is wearing a pair of clean khakis, a pair of worn leather penny-loafers, and a grey sweater. He is cleanly shaved and despite his ragged coat he appears to be well groomed. He appears to be between the ages of 19 and 24, he is walking with a brisk step down the halls of a campus. He has a long stride, and you can see his socks when he steps, his pants may be an inch to short. His socks are black with a single red stripe running down them.

I think the first thing I would notice is the socks. Strange? But yeah, if his pants were too short and I could see his socks you bet my eyes would be there to see if they matched (not that it matters if they did). Which is pretty weird, but that's just me. But, I tend to be really detailed oriented about stupid stuff. Kinda like missing an entire forest for all of the trees.

About the 1st question what girls notice... well as been stated it depends on the girl. But, I know that I (and all of my sisters and friends) are very detailed oriented. We notice that mole, or an irky habit, and women as a scientific fact (or so said some scientific program) like symmetry. We judge how "handsome" a guy is based on how symmetrical his facial features are. Whereas men look for for good skin, bodylines, hair and teeth <--- which is so true with every guy I've known. They will google over a girl with clear skin and nice hair, while the symmetry of her face may be shot to goodness knows where.

But, as previously said the way a female sees a male is based on age and what they're looking for at that time. A vital young girl will search for a guy who's vital and not hard on the eyes (I suppose this has to do with procreation) while older women look to men who can provide for them. I personally like both, but would most def prefer a guy with some goals over a goodlooking moron.