Telemarketers - Writers Forum

Ichi · 03-02-2004, 10:16 AM

I'm writing and "Ode to a Telemarketer" for my Creative Writing class and it would help if you could all tell me things that annoy you most about telemarketers. Thanks!

Pawn · 03-02-2004, 12:07 PM

I like the title. I rather like them myself (though I live in the UK so i imagine I get quite a few less).. Gives me a chance to use one of my favourite lines: "I would rather rip off and eat my own legs than purchase <relevant product>."

Ichi · 03-02-2004, 02:46 PM

Hehe, yea it is fun to yank their chains a bit, isn't it? They are horrible over here though in the USA.

Spudley · 03-02-2004, 03:20 PM

I had a double glazing telemarketer call me the other day. I actually had a few moments free, so I decided to play along for a bit...

I had great fun describing to her how large the house I live in is, and how many windows it has, and how much I would love to have double-glazing installed in them.... I could almost hear her drooling down the phone at the prospect of a nice big sale.... And then I politely explained that I couldn't, because the building is divided into flats, so it's not my decision.

She hung up pretty quickly after that.

Pawn · 03-03-2004, 05:45 PM

Cruel. Cruel but fair.

Ichi · 03-04-2004, 09:43 AM

moonandsun · 06-18-2004, 01:01 PM

I enjoy telling them that my parents are out picking up discarded undergarments around town, but I can take a message if they'd like.

ink stained dreamer · 06-18-2004, 01:19 PM

Don't forget how they will never fail to mis-pronounce your last name!

Kermie04 · 06-20-2004, 02:17 PM

I hate that they always seem to call during dinner time!

MidnightEyes · 07-18-2004, 01:29 PM

Hey you people. my brother was a telemarketer. Wait what am i saying...Go at it!

But anyway as you can imagine it was a horrible job. He had the managers yelling at him all the time and they'd send him home if he didn't get enough donations. It's one of the worst jobs ever. He was glad to quit when school started.

One thing you should remember...to actaully get off the calling list you have to listenm to the whole pitch and then ask.

I think the machines that call are worse than the people doing it. You can't even yell and harass them either.

Ichi · 07-18-2004, 06:18 PM

hey all thanks for all your help...but i actually finished the poem a few months ago

thanks anyway

Drzava · 07-19-2004, 11:56 AM

I had one the other day, well not a telemarketer but a political survey, I followed it all the way through and it took me about 30 minutes. Some of the things that came up:

Her: You may hear the folliwng things about X: X wants to control hill country sprawl.

Me: What the hell would X know about that? I read in India they got like a billion people, now THAT is crowded, not where I live, in fact, I have plenty of land here.

Her: You've been to India.

Me: No, I read about it in National Geo though.

Her: Ok. You may here the following things about X, please tell me how they will impact your voting: blah blah blah

Me: No way! I also heard he once picked up a dog by the hind legs and pushed him around like a lawn mower

Her: Really?

Me: Yeah, it was a big thing on the news a while back.

Her: I see.

Her: What do you feel is the biggest issue on presidential candidates for this election?

Me: The tariff on textiles

Her: The what?

Me: How much cloth costs.

Her: OK, what would you say is your biggest concern?

Me: West Nile,

Her: What's that?

Me: The virus mosquitoes carry around. Do you think al Queada could slip them in mosqituoes and wreak havov here?

Her: I don't know, shall I file that under health care?

Me: Better put it under terrorism

Her: What would you like to see more of in America?

Me: A good, strong leader, like Nikita Kruschev

I could go on and on but I am rambling

The best part was that she bought it all, and recorded every last thing I said.

Praetorian · 07-19-2004, 09:44 PM

That's great.

Telemarketers: My dad just picks up the phone and says "We are eating dinner." Me...I have a little more fun with them. ebaumsworld.com has about a million and one soundboards, so I usually use one of them and have a conversation with them. It's great. I also do a good Cartman impression, so I mess with them a little bit myself.