Thread: The female mind

I hate works that are sausage fests (i.e. low female to male ratios in characters, especially primary). I’m trying to develop that skill of fleshing out viable and ‘realistic’ female characters that are alive and not just 2D props, but being a guy puts limitations on my abilities. However, I think I have a few insights. Now, I’m not trying to be stereotypical or sexist. Not every girl applies and need not have to apply to the following observations:
-Body language, especially minor behavior and ‘tells’ are EVERYTHING when it comes to being able to decipher what a woman is really thinking. Just because she says something to your face doesn’t mean she means it.
-Being able to read your own emotions as well as hers helps a lot. Emotional intelligence and empathy go a loooong way.
-Underneath her emotionality usually lies some sort of logic for feeling that way. Being able to work your way underneath her emotional barriers to the core of what she’s actually trying to say without setting them off is vital to productive interactions with them. It is kind of the opposite with guys, actually. We bury our emotions with logic.
-It’s the small things that count.
-They reciprocate very well. Go out of your way to do something for her, you earn brownie points… which are actually redeemable for useful things.

Can anyone add anything more? Are there any stylistic ways of portraying a woman’s mind? Any suggested readings/authors?

Women are complex, so much more than men in the way of emotions and being able to express themselves. I had a lot of fun with the women in my first three novels portraying their differences. In my last work, "Goldfish", the main female character Barbara starts out being somewhat daring, yet new to a life of crime so also frightened. This changes in the blink of an eye when she has to shoot someone on the spur of the moment to save them all. Debra, another character in the book is the exact opposite. She is outgoing and very bold. Both are lured into this life by gold fever when they, along with their husbands discover a sunken ship off the coast of Mexico laden with treasure and have to smuggle it out. Putting women into this situation was just like putting men there, some would be meek while others would take the reins.

The women also don't have to be sexual figures. I also had a good time with my main character's mother. He has become quite an accomplished pirate then has to explain this to his mother when she sees his ship. His crew mates enjoy watching him squirm under the accusing eye of his mother. She also emerges as an unlikely hero in the end of the book.

Because females react to their emotions more readily, they are more prone to doing things that seem less logical (to men at least). There's nothing wrong with how they behave, but it just means that men are usually unable to decipher why they do the things they do. Because of the emotional influence on their actions, a good amount of females aren't really sure why they do certain things. Some are even reluctant to admit that emotions drive them.

You should understand that I'm talking in something of a stereotypical view on females here.. there are going to be a great many that slip outside of this concept, and I'm sure some (maybe even here) would argue against it.

Psychoanalysts have all manner of methods to discern the intention of the people they speak to and observe. And while you can gain some insight into writing body language within your novel by doing a bit of research into this area (I'd recommend it), be careful not to get too caught up in it. Your readers aren't psychoanalysts, and they're not going to understand that a 'scratch of the nose' means she lying or hiding something.

Another thing you can do is watch your favourite movie (assuming it's not a cartoon or anime), and check the body language of the actors. Have a bash at writing one of the scenes and see if your effort matches the results on the screen.


One of the best things you can do about writing characters of the opposite gender (to you), is to have someone of that gender read your work and give you feedback. And be prepared to change entire scenes

Ditch – nice thought of throwing a woman into an intense situation and deciphering how she’s gonna deal with it. Reminds me of a talk with a fireman about this about how some people can’t deal with things and throw up their hands while others step up.
KrisMunro – thanks for the suggestions, they’re very useful. I think I’ll run my scenes with a well-read gal pal of mine. As for that psychoanalysis bit, a scratch on the nose? That’s pretty basic. After all, everyone knows that if she slides exactly half her palm into her pocket she enjoys a watermelon on Thursdays while listening to Royksopp.

I am shaking my head at you guys and smiling....wonderful attempt though...

Originally Posted by terrib

I am shaking my head at you guys and smiling....wonderful attempt though...

If you don’t have any insights to fork over, that’ll just reaffirm my belief that women want men to not understand what they’re thinking so they have yet another thing to complain about. jk

Originally Posted by guy_faukes

If you don’t have any insights to fork over, ...

Careful, they'll think you're accusing them of eating too much. That'll make them angry. And then who knows what could happen...

Originally Posted by guy_faukes

-Body language, especially minor behavior and ‘tells’ are EVERYTHING when it comes to being able to decipher what a woman is really thinking. Just because she says something to your face doesn’t mean she means it.

With me, if I say something I mean it (and I'm female ). I think, if you want to have more than one female character, make them all different. I don't believe that men and women think differently at all, but that it varies from person to person (not gender to gender).

Originally Posted by guy_fawkes

-Being able to read your own emotions as well as hers helps a lot. Emotional intelligence and empathy go a loooong way.

Not with me, I hate emotions. I hate to feel them, so I try not to. When I do get emotional, I don't ask to be understood.

Originally Posted by guy_fawkes

-Underneath her emotionality usually lies some sort of logic for feeling that way. Being able to work your way underneath her emotional barriers to the core of what she’s actually trying to say without setting them off is vital to productive interactions with them. It is kind of the opposite with guys, actually. We bury our emotions with logic.

I'm much closer to how you describe a man's mind than how you describe a woman's.

Originally Posted by guy_fawkes

-It’s the small things that count.

I'm more likely to remember the big things than the little ones.

Originally Posted by guy_fawkes

-They reciprocate very well. Go out of your way to do something for her, you earn brownie points… which are actually redeemable for useful things.

A little. You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours, but if you are thinking "romantic evening = sex" then no, that's untrue.

Originally Posted by guy_fawkes

Can anyone add anything more?

-Women think about sex more than men think they do.
-Women are very accepting.
-Not all women are feminists (I'm not saying you think this I just really hate this stereotype).
-Very insecure people (but there are exceptions to every rule).

Originally Posted by quorra

Women think about sex more than men think they do.

Whoa that's a lot!


(Tell me you didn't look twice...)

It's always cool to find a girl who thinks more like a guy, but I always thought that a nice back rub led to gettin' some. Kidding, of course.
What I meant with that bit was that if you complete put your own needs aside for her every now and then, you're usually reciprocated.

You got a good point. I think guys and gals aren't that different and their behaviors can overlap. I just have a bit of trouble with working from a female perspective when coloring in a character. But I'm probably just a newbie and need practice with it.


So, why did you post a picture of pigs Kris?

The quieter she gets, the more attention you had better be a payin' to what you are doing and saying.
During some times of the month, you might be lucky to be talked to at all, or you may just be nailed to the wall, especially if you did not heed that first bit where she's not bantering anymore.
I will pull back into myself for a long time before I come unglued. But one can only put up with so much crap, and then you are just done. Crying is therapeutic and things that were overwhelming can be revisited after a good cry, and someone listening helps a lot too, not trying to fix it, but more an ear and a strong shoulder to bear it.
Hormones can cause absolute havoc. You can be fine one day, and the next a disaster, and not even know what hit you. One day it's possible to handle most anything. The next, next to nothing.
Perception might be considered a kind of trade off, if you believe in it. But it's kind of like faith and the paranormal and frankly, either you are open to the possibility of it, or you are not. And it's why I know that animals are also beings capable of love and emotion.

To put it a little bit more in focus, (from an email I received years ago, unknown credit):

At certain times of the month, a woman prefers different types of men according to where she is in her cycle.

For instance, when she's ovulating, she prefers a man with handsome, masculine features.

When she's menstruating, she prefers a man with an ice pick sticking out the side of his head.

I don't pretend to understand the female mind, but I have seen them react in times of extreme duress as a paramedic for so many years. Like men, one will go to pieces while the other will take it in stride. This may not be the right place, but I'll post an example of how my women reacted differently to stress. in my third book, Barbara and her husband found a sunken ship loaded with treasure off the coast of Mexico. It belongs to the Mexican government so they have to smuggle it out. Clearly out of their league, they hire a rogue and his men to help them sell it off. Felipe supplies Barbara with a purse that has a holster and pistol concealed inside. They are in Belize at the home of a wealthy but corrupt collector selling off some of the gold artifacts. See how each woman reacts to the situation, they are after all just people, not mysterious beings. Each one handles things, particularly stress differently.

After all of the items were out on display, Felipe looked at him, “Well, make an offer.”
Juan looked at him, then at the two men standing behind him and nodded. They both pulled pistols pointing them at Felipe and Xavier.
“Here is my offer, I will allow you to leave here alive. You will leave all of the items here.”
“I didn’t think that you were that stupid.” Felipe said.
“Or, perhaps I should just kill you now. I don’t want you coming back seeking revenge.”
“That would be even more foolish on your part. My men know where we went, if we do not return you will never live to see tomorrow.” Felipe said standing up, the men pointed their guns at his head.
“I feel safe here in Belize.” Juan said.


“Hold on now, don’t get excited.” Frank said, “It’s not worth anyone dying for. We can just give you the artifacts.”
“These two are dangerous.” the man said nodding toward Felipe and Xavier, “Please step away from my pool Felipe, I don’t want blood in it.” he smiled. Felipe looked at Barbara, at her purse, then back into her eyes. The men drew the hammers back on their pistols.
Barbara stood up, “Please wait!” she shouted. The men both glanced at her, when they did she pulled the trigger as fast as she could at the closest man. He staggered backwards as four slugs stitched across his chest, The unexpected muzzle blast at this close range surprised the other man as the first one fell backwards. Felipe drew his Glock and shot him in the center of his forehead, then quickly pointed the gun at Juan.

Juan held his hands up, “Hold on Felipe, we can work this out, I will pay you a lot of money, you can keep the artifacts.”
Felipe looked at him, “You were very stupid to try to cross me.” he shot him in the head, “You can’t pet a snake.” he said putting the gun back in his waistband in the center of his back.
Felipe turned and started placing the items back into the crate while Xavier watched the house with a pistol drawn. After all of the items were packed Felipe went into the man’s pocket that drove the vehicle. He got the keys then he and Xavier threw the bodies into the pool.


They all went to the Suburban, loaded the crate and got in. As Felipe pulled out he looked in the rear view mirror at Barbara, “They have a baboon sanctuary here.”
“What?” she said.
“I said, they have a baboon sanctuary here. It would be a shame to come to Belize and not visit the baboon sanctuary.”
“I don’t believe this.” Barbara said, “We just killed three men and you want to go to a baboon sanctuary? I have never even hit anyone before in my life, I just killed a man.” Tears began to run down her face at the realization of it all, the shock was wearing off.
“Barbara, they were about to kill me, Xavier and then all of you. We are in a very high stakes game, some people are ruthless. You saved all of us by doing what you did.”
“He is right.” John said, “If you hadn’t acted, we would all be dead right now Barbara. I don’t feel the least bit sorry for those scumbags.”
“Well I’m sure glad you acted when you did.” Frank said, “They are right, we would all be dead right now if not for you. We both knew this day might come, that’s why we took the concealed carry license. Let me ask you this, if we were back in the states and got robbed, and they were about to shoot me, wouldn’t you kill them? That’s why you carry a gun in America, to protect yourself from people like that.”

Barbara wiped her eyes, what they were saying made sense.
“They are funny, the males asses get big and red when the females go into heat. You can feed them peanuts right out of your hand.” Felipe said.
“What?” she said, “Who has a big red ass?”
“The baboons.” Felipe said.
Xavier turned around and smiled at them, “I like working for paramedics and nurses, you don’t get sick when we shoot people. I’d like to go to the baboon sanctuary too. He is right, the males with the big red asses are funny. How about you Frank?”
“Well, I guess so, we are here.” Frank said.
“How about you Debra?” Xavier asked.
“I’m in, I haven’t seen a big red ass since we first moved here, John doesn‘t sunburn any more.” she laughed, her bubbly laughter was contagious, soon they were all laughing, even John. “And you guys should feel right at home in a baboon sanctuary.”
“The baboon sanctuary it is.” Felipe said.
“I don’t believe this, we just killed three people and we are going to feed baboons peanuts.” Barbara said.
“Relax.” Felipe told her.
“You say that a lot.” she replied.
“You tend to worry a lot, you will get used to it, relax.” Felipe smiled. He turned down the road to the baboon sanctuary.