Query Letter Revision

**Tenebris** · 01-12-2012, 08:04 PM

I have begun my Query Letter process and am looking for some feedback on the one that I have been using. Any help is appreciated, as I feel that my letter is somewhat generic and fails to stand out. Thanks! (This one is geared towards agents)

I am interested in acquiring representation for Gangleri the Wanderer: The Forging of the Wanderer, an 100,000 word novel and a grim representation of the fantasy genre. Given the increase in the popularity of fantasy in multiple venues over recent years, I feel there is a ready market for this novel. This novel was written with adult audiences in mind who have enjoyed works by Steven Erikson and the late Robert Jordan.

A prophet hints of a child who will bind men under one voice, and return peace to the crumbling oligarchic rule of the Feigrinn people. Stolen at birth, he returns to kill the prophet, and instead of bringing peace, seeks to bring war. Now Gangleri, the student of the prophet, must hunt him down in hostile lands. Never before had one of the Feigrinn people raised his hand against the men they were sworn to protect, but as the prophecy begins to unravel, Gangleri cannot remit the chance at justice for the murder of his mentor. In an effort to bring the man that killed the prophet to trial, he will travel any distance, defeat any foe, and commit any sin. Only those that travel with Gangleri have any hope of reining in his unforgiving spirit.

Like many, I grew up immersed in fantasy fiction, and as a result have taken a liking to the myths and legends that gave the genre birth. These roots have provided for my inspiration over the years, and as a first time author, I am interested in the representation of a literary agent to partner with as I begin my career. I realize that your time is valuable, and am grateful for your consideration.

**The Backward OX** · 01-14-2012, 05:43 AM

I know nothing about this facet of the writing business except what I’ve read, so my remark is third-hand. But I’ve read that one should not thump their own drum, that the letter should be about the story and only about the story. IF this is correct, your last paragraph will possibly mean that you don’t get a reply.

**Tenebris** · 01-14-2012, 06:14 AM

Hmm, I had not even thought about it that way, but you are exactly right. I will see about changing that.

Thanks,

T

**Walkio** · 01-14-2012, 09:03 AM

You are incorrect, Backward Ox - the last paragraph should indeed be about the author.

This is quite a good query letter, actually. Make sure you learn the editor's name instead of just Dear Sir.

I'd trim your first paragraph thus:

"I am interested in acquiring representation for my fantasy novel, Gangleri the Wanderer: The Forging of the Wanderer (100,000 words approx.) This novel was written with adult audiences in mind who have enjoyed works by Steven Erikson and the late Robert Jordan."

Your second paragraph should give a brief taster of your novel, but it may be a little long at the moment. There are also a lot of foreign names. Perhaps try to cut it down a bit.

Your third paragraph should say a little bit about you, including publishing credits if you have any.

I'd include "I have enclosed the first three chapters, a synopsis and a SAE for your consideration." before thanking them.

**KyleColorado** · 01-14-2012, 09:35 AM

Your story summary should be three sentences for maximum effect, I don't remember where I was advised that, but I believe it's a good guideline to follow. Just enough to introduce the conflict and the story question (what's at stake?)

If the agent is interested, then he can look at your included chapters to read further.

I've gone ahead and done this for you, and trimmed the wording. Remember, agents often have many other proposals to read, so if yours is tedius or overbearing, they will toss it in the discard pile without even reading it. "K.I.S.S." (Keep It Simple, Silly!)

Originally Posted by Tenebris

A prophet hints of a child who will return peace to the Feigrinn people. Stolen at birth, the child returns to kill the prophet, and instead of bringing peace, seeks to bring war. Now Gangleri, a student of the prophet, must hunt him down in hostile lands.

Cheers

**qwertyman** · 01-14-2012, 09:45 AM

Are you seeking an agent in UK or USA?

**Tenebris** · 01-14-2012, 06:27 PM

Walko-Thank you for the compliment, I do appreciate it. I have been seeing a great deal of Queries that follow a format such as: First Paragraph-Novel Taster, Second Paragraph-Novel Stats, Third Paragraph-Author Stats. This is, of course, new to me, as I am more familiar with this format. I have already started working to cut back the summary a bit to make it less complex, and will revise as needed. And I have no publishing credits at this point, as I have not attempted to publish anything before this. I believe Ox was more aiming at my expectation of publication than me talking about myself, which I have also revised slightly. I also, of course, mention any documents that will be included as well as the agent/editor's name, this is merely the basic paradigm.

Kyle-Thank you for the advice, your summary is very concise and I will try to emulate it as best I can. I use the same acronym in my writing, actually, but summation has never been my strong point.

qwerty-I am looking in the USA.