Thread: Born without horns

Born without horns

It was fortunate for the Mother -
though in the end it was not,
a King cannot forgive a tryst
with a God Bull, no matter how
hard the full moon presses down
upon the earth, a palm pressed between
willing thighs, stirring desire; hot tea,
blown first then carefully sipped
in a summer stung by the scorpion sun -
that Androgeus was not
born with his horns fully formed.

It did not help him either,
however, for the hooves for feet
gave away the fact that Midas
was not the sower of the seed.

The Mother, still bruised and torn
by the hard heels of her son as he kicked
his way into sunlight, was slain outright.
It may even be that she was glad;
granted relief from the haunting
of that night. Her body ached
with the memory of the Bull’s embrace.

Androgeus was banished down the stairs
to a moonless, sunless cellar,
where water dripped taunting whispers
and the stone drank itself dense
with the indifference of the earth,
there to live out his days chained
to the wall, food fed between thick lips,
and placed upon fat tongue
by young virgins stolen from other lands.

The females served two purposes.
Their theft made other lands fear his Father
and the tips of the girls’ fingers, when
they brushed his flesh, their scent
as they drew close, and the fear that formed
in tiny beads of sweat upon their innocent
brows, tormented Androgeus no end.

I'm struggling to find a way to reply nicely. This seems like an exceprt from perhaps a long poem or perhaps a story, but it's very disjointed and nondescript. I'm not one to crticize poetry that doesn't rhyme, as free meter is my favorite form of poetry, but so much of this just doesn't "flow" for me. Who is the "God Bull" for example? The full moon pressing down upon the earth, a palm pressed between willing thighs... perhaps I'm missing some symbolism here but honestly I find this phrasing too obscure, or senseless. Palms on thighs could be descriptive of a tryst, but the full moon just doesn't click with me. Where Midas comes in, I haven't a clue yet.

Dismiss this if you will, and I'll understand if you do, but if your reader can't figure out what you mean, perhaps you're using too much internal knowledge. You know what this means, I do not. It may be my ignorance, and I admit that, but I can't connect with this piece at all. Too much is obscured and unwritten for me to appreciate the poem.

It is not an excerpt, rather it is the beginning poem in a series of poems I plan to write around Androgeus, the Minotaur (and the fact you sensed this means at least the poem is working on that level). King Midas was his father. You were right about palms on thighs being a tryst, so that image worked. The God Bull is the Bull that the Monotaur's mother (wife of Midas) slept with (hence The Minotaur). The full moon pressing down works on several levels - simply a description of a full moon low on the horizon, the 'madness' that comes with a full moon affecting us all and the Moon God's (Bull is one of His forms) 'weight' upon the people of Crete. In the end these poems will appeal (I hope) to people who are interested in mythology and like to see the old stories played with (much as painters play with old themes) so I have no concerns about how much you know or do not know about this poem's 'mythology'. Those drawn to the collection would know enough or be interested enough to do some simple searches. Its not internal knowledge, rather it's knowlege of myth.

In terms of 'flow' however, that is something I will look at. I am deliberate with my line endings and love enjambment and caesuras rather than rhyme schemes or I use rhymes hidden within the line rather than at the end, but there should still be flow, or if there isn't there should be a reason, an instance of a pause . It has been a while since I wrote some poems so I might be rusty.

Thank you for reading and responding to the poem.

Such a decadent pleasure to read you again, Sir Danny. This is quite appealing to a mythology junkie, indeed. I took a course many moons ago, but unfortunately have forgotten a good deal of what once captivated me. You've poked my memory quite pleasantly with this and for that I thank you. This is an excellent read, as always. Although I would have broken some lines differently (grain of salt, I'm far too rigid for my own good when it comes to enjambment), I did not encounter any obvious glitches in your flow. My only nit was the triple repetition of his in lines 7 and 8 in S4. I thoroughly enjoyed your vivid imagery, even paused to wince at poor Mom's delivery woes. No need to pinch the tinman's can, Danny, there's no hint of rust here. I'm very much looking forward to the rest of the series, and thank you again for sharing this wonderful effort.

Best,
Lisa

Thank you CD and you are right about those his's. I think I can simply delete 3 of them.

I'm with Lisa here, this has pricked my interest quite thoroughly. The images here have all worked very well for me, you have a real gift for that Danny. I would love to read more of these. Excellent.

Ta Gumby, working on the second poem at the moment.

Oy mate. Been a long time.

Glad to see you're still at it Dan, still in top form too. I liked this one but I'm feeling lyrical and snooty tonight so I'll leave off the comments until my prose self catches up with me. Just glad to be reading your work again. Hope you are well. Minotaurs indeed. Cheers.

Josh

The Minotaur. I remember. There was that other story about the maze, and the "Hero" who came and slew him, to free the beautiful woman.
Half man, half bull, with his horn...ss..The charging bull, massive and muscled animalism, but still half man, jealously guarding a woman. I think the ancients understood the implications. Twenty-five hundred years later, and we still read their stories(well, some of us do). I like it.

certainly different-requires several readings