Thread: forever free

-Silent clouds resembling stitched white downy blankets wisp and fold blissfully in the endless sapphire sky like smoke dancing in the wind.
-With no hidden agenda or fixed rationale the eager clouds move steadfast with the eternal wind, forever changing, forever free.
-On this endless voyage to nowhere in particular they begin to turn grayish and bulge with precipitation, like an infant bubbling with anger.
-Ominous yet still innocent, the once silent clouds now bellow and roar wrathfully, tossing brightly lighted daggers to the unfortunate landscape below.
-This fit of rage is short lived though, and soon the clouds just sit, sulking and heavy.
-Swollen to maximum capacity, they burst at the seams and infinite droplets of water fall to the receptive ground below.
-Happily to receive this gift of precipitation from the bursting clouds is the meandering river that slithers in long arch’s on the ground below.
-The river like the clouds is forever changing and forever free…

This poem has a few good lines--however--some are cliche, and you tell me too much--instead of showing. I would love you to take this in a whole other direction and give this some drama, maybe --something unexpected...You did have some nice visual images though. Peace...Jul

I agree with Firemajic. There are some good lines but I would like to expound on what I mean by cliches.
downy blankets, the endless sapphire sky like smoke dancing in the wind. These are good lines they are just overdone.
My advice to you, and I'm no expert, is to rework the words to something that we haven't heard of much of before. You are familiar I'm sure with the expression "There is nothing new under the sun"? Take what is there and twist it to your own artistic merrit. What's another beautiful word for sapphire, or for sky? Are there any kind of blankets that are downy but not phrased in that way. Poetry is an expression of the soul. Your unique soul. Firemajic is right about the convention show don't tell, it applies to most genre's of writing. For example, "Marty is an excellent thinker, he can understand mathmatics, philosophy and engineering." Kind of boring eh? "Opening his books Marty discovered that he had an aptitude for mathmatics and philosophy. Marty decided to major in engineering." We don't have to say Marty is a great thinker, it is obvious from his actions. Forgive me my sentence structure is still lacking. And yes for interests sake the reader needs something unexpected, something fresh, something that makes the reader go wow. In closing I believe you have talent, keep writing from the soul, and it will serve you well.

You have some good comments from the other two posters. This line struck me as particularly awkward, -

This fit of rage is short lived though, and soon the clouds just sit, sulking and heavy.

Look at this, "Rage is short lived, soon the clouds sit, sulking and heavy." Less is usually more if you avoid cutting the essential.

the long line looks like a short paragraph in a prose. I can't imagine why people write poems in long lines.