Thread: Uncut, unedited

In relation to the discussion above on the staccato style I would like to add that I experienced it exactly as NicB. said, a disjointed and jarring state of mind which adds to the 'dreamlike' feel of the poem, as rundahl put it. I feel the rhythm of the poem is integral to its meaning, the pain and frustration wouldn't come across quite as well without it. It's ironic that the word 'staccato' actually appears in the poem.
My favorite line: 'Ripples in the glassy still' - absolutely beautiful.

In response to the discussion above on the staccato style I would like to add that I experienced it exactly as NicB. said, reflecting and expressing a jarring and disjointed state of mind, adding to the dreamlike feel of the poem. I feel the pain and frustration of the poet/poem would not come across quite as well without it. It's ironic that the word 'staccato' actually appears in the poem
'Uncut, Unedited' would be the perfect name for this poem as, perhaps, it serves as a disclaimer concerning the level refinement but also as a disclaimer for the content, the poem is an expression of uncut and unedited feelings. I say keep it
My favourite line: 'Ripples in the glassy still' - absolutely beautiful.

Originally Posted by Willow

In response to the discussion above on the staccato style I would like to add that I experienced it exactly as NicB. said, reflecting and expressing a jarring and disjointed state of mind, adding to the dreamlike feel of the poem. I feel the pain and frustration of the poet/poem would not come across quite as well without it. It's ironic that the word 'staccato' actually appears in the poem
'Uncut, Unedited' would be the perfect name for this poem as, perhaps, it serves as a disclaimer concerning the level refinement but also as a disclaimer for the content, the poem is an expression of uncut and unedited feelings. I say keep it
My favourite line: 'Ripples in the glassy still' - absolutely beautiful.

Appreciate the kind words and feedback...glad you enjoyed it!

Perhaps it's just my way of thinking, but although I did like the way it was written, the mixed punctuation and overpuntctuation seemed to be a bit distracting. Without punctuation it would almost seem to flow a bit more freely, allowing the structure to set the reader's pace. I think I understand the intent behind it, but it seemed like you were perhaps trying a bit too hard to set the pace. Besides that I think it was quite good in conveying desperation and deep pain.

NicB

sorry but I am over the one line poems that so many people use as structure, thinking a single word gains depth/insight/power because it stands alone on the page. It has been flogged to death. I am also curious as to why the need for full stops at the end of a line that is not the end of the sentence. The line break gives the poem the pause, adding the full stop just mucks up the grammar.

Mainly though it is the one word stuff - I mean a poet has certain powerful tools at their disposal, why toss them all away for one word lines in a search for power/ a voice?

if I edited this piece I'd probably delete almost all of the non itallic stuff and just work on those images, there is something there to form into a decent poem.

I couldn't disagree more, but to each his own. Remember, this is not standard poetry, this is prose, no metrical structure required. The line structure and words chosen read exactly as intended.

Thanks for look all the same.

Even prose needs to be doing something besides
putting
a
word
or two
in
lines.

Dannyboy, while I appreciate your position, using your logic, many of the works in the "modern art" genre would never be considered art. After all, it lacks classical structure...no scenes, no reality...just lines, blots, merely randomness on a canvas. Yet modern art is in fact art. Why? Because art (or in this case prose) is a matter of perception, after all beauty is in the eye of the beholder. How the viewer interprets the subject is of course his or her choice; however, don't think my prose needs to do anything

other than
what I
want it
to do.

Just because my prose does not follow your concept of standard poetry or written English does not diminish its ability to convey meaning or intrinsic value to the reader. One man's trash is another man's treasure.