Thread: Nocturne il Amissio

Twilight
in dismal array
ebon hours
of weighted resonance
that find uneventful me
grasping empty air
in handfuls,
where once you lingered
passionately.

Entranced,
these liquid memories are
dripping down my face
and arm
to my hand,
welling in fingers
that dance across
piano keys.

Lamp lit, how they sing to me
in minor notes
of days now gone,
and nights passed,
bittersweet.



//Sy

Resonance is the right word for this poem, it definitely has resonance.

3 words hit me; I've never seen ebon used without a y; the unusual use of uneventful, it is usually used in relation to time; and finally, dripping, which speaks of an unrequired event, a spilled bottle, a leaking pipe, not of fond memory, which is, I assume, the sentiment here - maybe you need a better word, and it was used only to tie it to liquid.

Apart from the clichéd nature of in handfuls, I don't think you need it anyway as there is no other way to grasp - for me it's a stopper line as it introduces a break between grasping the empty air and the place, where once you lingered.

I enjoyed it alot. Brilliant read !!
It felt light and motivating to read.
I see 'linger' is a word you like?!!

I love the peculiar --different way you have with word and phrases. This is stunning...I am hooked. First stanza--last 4 lines--gorgeous. 2nd stanza--all the subtle nuances--brilliant. Thank you for posting . Peace...Jul

I love the imagery in this. I liked 'the liquid memories...dripping' a lot, and the link between the emotion and music was lovely too. Beautiful

Thanks all for the kind comments and great feedback! I really appreciate it!

I like changing up words a bit... things like 'periphery' and 'grotesquerie'... coining words is part of the fun, for me.

I may change the use of handfuls... something else would add more interest there, I think.

I DO love the word 'linger'!

Thanks torbird, I enjoy dripping there too... I like the movement it carries.


Cheers all, much appreciated!

//Sy