Dreamflight

Occasionally I'll come up with a title for a poem or song and then challenge myself to make something out of it, and that was the case here. I hope you enjoy it! Constructive criticism always appreciated.
Without further ado...

Fallen Angel

Fallen angel, tell me why
Do you delight to see me cry?

Over me your darkness drape.
Redemption lost, there's no escape.

Caught in your tapestry of lies,
My breathlessness intensifies.

Feed to me your corrupt mind.
Cover eyes and make me blind.

Take my heart, with yours entwine
Your love is like a bitter wine.

Overwhelmed, in dark I drown.
Ashes, ashes, all fall down.

Each new one my darkest hour,
Hypnotize me with your power.

Do with me all that you will.
Your pale fingers render chill.

Cannot wake from this nightmare.
Set me free, this is my prayer.

Angel, you cause so much pain.
Tears drip down like acid rain.

Hold me captive in your cage.
On innocents this war you wage.

Torture me, to you it's play.
All along, I was your prey.

Nearer draws death's last embrace.
Blood is dripping down my face.

Fallen one, with pain seduce
The victims of your cruel abuse.

Conquering my deepest fear
You smile at me, insincere.

Watch in silence as I bleed.
My desperate cries you do not heed.

I feel eternity's caress.
No longer you my soul suppress.

I drift into immortal dream
You cannot revel in my screams.

The scars you gave will never heal;
Even in death, their sting I feel.

Forever burning since you fell,
Your plaything gone, go back to hell!

Baron

After reading your intro I have to ask, are you looking for critique or praise? Seriously, it might have been best to just post the poem without that intro.

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Dreamflight

I didn't realize how that sounded, sorry...thanks for pointing that out =P

Shoot me down, you'll find I just keep getting up.

MisterJack

I have to agree with Baron on this. The poem itself certainly doesn't live up to the hype presented. I, too, would recommend against putting such statements before the poems and let the poems do the work. Allow your readers to judge.
Now, if you are after critique, then I would suggest looking at the uneven beats throughout this peice.

Hope this helps and welcome to the forum

Kind regards

Jack

EDIT: Now noticed the OP's response to Baron

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If it claims to be God, eat it.

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Dreamflight

Thanks for the comment...uneven beats where, for example? I've tried reading it out loud and there don't seem to be any inconsistencies, but maybe it's the inflection of my voice?
Baron, how about a comment on the poem instead of the intro...

Baron

There are two elements that effect rhythm in a poem most. Syllable count and word stress. The second can often overide the first. There are a couple of places where this falters when I read it and I've done a quick syllable count and I think that you could tighten it up a little. So in that, I concur with Jack. Your metaphor is far from original but I do like the way that you employ it here.

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