comic geek

broken down in bars.

strong arms
hold tight
like i’ve never felt before
they clamp me,
stamp me,
hold me to the
floor.
whole conversations played out
with only your eyes
no words leave your mouth
but i hear what you say
and i like what i hear,
it rings true
and loud
and clear.
our bodies entwined
and hearts ripe,
for the picking
everything that matters is held between us,
between the eyes
and the hearts
and the words
and the arms,
and its nothing to do with the world.
the dull thump
of heavy hearts fills our ears
as you open me up like a book
and drink deep from my soul,
so i know that you know me
like i know i know you.
tell me you love me,
fake it,
i don’t care,
just hold me
and love me
and say you'll be


there.

__________________
Lie in the grass next to the mausoleum
I'm just a notch in your bedpost but you're just a line in a song

Drop a heart and break a name
We're always sleeping in and sleeping for the wrong team

lonewolf13

Wow, I like this. I like the rhythm and repetition. It hits. I feel the longer lines of the poem do damage. I recognize the need for these parts, as soft breaks before pounding again, but they're just not written very strongly, save for the last long part. So, try to add a concisness to them, and the poem will flow, beginning to end.

And I love the line break before the last word. Excellent choice.

__________________
"And I don't know This could break my heart or save me . . .
So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me"
- Kelly Clarkson, Sober

lonewolf13

Oh, I forgot - I don't know about the title. I thought it was about being in prison and was reading so accordingly (and getting very confused), until I realized this wasn't the case. But I do like the title phrase, and on further readings of the poem, I find the metaphor writing in the first few lines is some of my favorite writing in the poem. So maybe it's okay? Maybe it's just me being a stupid reader and immediately expecting that the mention of "bars" means jail?

__________________
"And I don't know This could break my heart or save me . . .
So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me"
- Kelly Clarkson, Sober

comic geek

thankyou for your comments and i will look into changing the longer lines, this was just roughly put together as i usually do not write like this.

as for the title i was in two minds myself, at first i meant it to be a poem about a one night stand(in a bar), then my boyfriend said i should make it about him. i kept the title but tweaked the poem here an there and felt it did it more justice, after reading it through again i guess the bars are the arms that hold me, clamp me and stamp me. i may change it though, i can see how its confusing to someone else.

__________________
Lie in the grass next to the mausoleum
I'm just a notch in your bedpost but you're just a line in a song

Drop a heart and break a name
We're always sleeping in and sleeping for the wrong team