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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 06-03-2008, 03:44 PM   #1
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Manipulation


Evil need’s to be Right
Bad over Good
You’re the Evilest that’s ever crossed my path

You caused me sorrow,
YET
You don’t believe,
YOU
Tore me up inside and out

You’re the worst that I know,
And I still tried to care,
No care left you tore that without care

You lie as easily as you can chug down your poison
You have nothing to show for yourself
Cause you spend your time
waiting to lie
Lie what you did
Lie for no reason to gain control

You can analyze me
I don’t dare analyze you
You’ll ripe me up and spit me out

Tell me I am wrong
Just another lie
Get me to believe it was all on me

I walked around with sorrow and hate
No knowing
Who I was
Where I was
Still thinking you were right

Tears all day
Tears all night
Not really knowing what was right

Needing a huge
From you I love
You loved me
NOW
No means will you give me a hug

If you loved me
Why
Do you make me leave?
When tears fill my eyes
Knowing I should not leave
My eyes can not see
Sorrow and confusion is all that I’ll be

You don’t seem to care
Remember it’s all on me
You needed me to fill this way
Because you don’t want to care
Care about life
Care about fault
Care about anything
Except for yourself

Leaving again and again
You always tell me your right
Right when I’m sad
Right when you’re wrong
Right to every last word
Again and again

Taking me back
As long as I know it was all on me
Taking me back as long as I forget about me

Yeah
That’s what you say
You never took me back to help
Only to put more on me
__________________
Take baby steps and then maybe after a hundred or two steps you may stand a chance against these giants

Last edited by ZeeC_ames : 06-04-2008 at 12:26 PM.
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Old 06-04-2008, 11:42 AM   #2
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firstly, i'd suggest taking this out of centered format which is usually reserved for hallmark cards and do a spell check or grammar check.

also, try to use imagery in place of telling. when you tell everything, we know what you are saying but are not allowed to feel along with you. imagery lets us feel what you are feeling.

you obviously have a lot of passion inside and i think that's one of the most important ingredients in good poetry. i hope you keep with it.

jen
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