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Amidst Gardenias


Mother’s long black skirt,
called shroud,
covers her head
to ground.
Bare feet imprint
St. Augustine
avoiding thorns
of pesky pine cones.
Eyes alive inside,
her ankles safe.
She shadow walks.


Softly and tenderly
Jesus is calling
sticks, two nails
a rock and string.
Little girl
nests pink in the bosom
of her dress
where heartbeat and cocoon
expresses dear.

“Little chickababe, mmm, mmm,mmm,”

The song outside,
a child and sweet,
the dark inside, plaintive,
tears and points like nettle
catching light.

Behind the house
against the wall,
her secrets.
Dark loam and cool retreat
where rivulets and bridges
are hollowed with a tablespoon.
Dirt so rich and moist,
packed tight around her foot
forms sweet frog houses,
and stables for her horses.

Today a cross is shaped.
A cave is formed.
Poor Chickababe,
not yellow as chicks should be,
transfigured
for Easter glory.
Pretty pink for girls.

Two days
peeped within her clutch
to last
inside a cardboard box.
Love and duty nails two wings
athwart a cross
fashioned
of twigs and string.
She crumples white flowers,
and washes the body
in fragrance.

“Just like you, Dear Jesus.”

Little feet are kissed.
She pounds the crucifix hard
into the ground.

Behind the house,
against the wall,
amidst Gardenias
All is expected.

Garden of Kadesh

It took quite a few reads for me to get the gist of this. It seemed so obvious after I got the idea though. The flow came across as choppy, which I personally don't like, but isn't inherently bad.

It has a certain quality, like a vivid childhood memory, that gives it strength. The fourth stanza is great. Definitely invokes some memories for me, at least. However, I didn't like the tablespoon line. It seemed...too poetic, maybe pretentious.

Overall, I enjoyed the read. Good work.

__________________
"Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them."

- Catch 22

dannyboy

I enjoyed this apple

peterphreak

Dearest Apple,

Things i loved upon second glance ..

If the flow is "choppy" as GoK felt, perhaps this is your intention? Personally, death-nostalgia-expression is inexplicable and yet laminar. Whether it rocks or rolls, glad you took me on a ride. Your writ made this chickadee cheep, "Thanks".

P

MisterJack

The language in your poems is so 'cute' at times apple. The 'pesky pine cones', the 'chickababe' and 'peeped'. Wonderful sounds and visuals again and the 'choppy' that has been mentioned, didn't bother me at all either. I felt your breaks choices suited the theme splendidly well.

Lovely

Jack

__________________
If it claims to be God, eat it.

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Baron

I still have mixed feeling about this one. That is to say that I get mixed messages from it. A good read again.

__________________

apple

Thank you all for reading. very much appreciated.