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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
05-27-2008, 07:24 PM
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#1
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Moderator
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Indiana
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,073
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biggest bad
I will just add one warning: format extravaganza.
biggest bad
im the biggest
T-H-E
the baddest
fag of the west
(mid-west)
never mind those other
p0serS
i step, i stop, i smell
for no1
rainbowflags bow their bends
before me;
make the flag possess
me
every curve, every flip,
e-v-e-r-y beat caress me
All of me
But why is it
every day
is a trip; stumbling
bold and
lonely?
__________________
I have had a spider-tea free morning, thank you very much.
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05-28-2008, 03:42 AM
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#2
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,925
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As a pictorial work and on a personal statement level this works. I think that the gimmicks compensate for content in this one. Not the best that I've seen from you but given the standards you set yourself that doesn't make it bad.
Rob
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05-29-2008, 07:20 PM
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#3
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Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 16
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I really like this, especially with the unusual structure. It's a quicker poem then some, but is if anything better because of it.
__________________
"All right...I'm glad it's a girl. And I hope she'll be a fool — that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool."- Daisy
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05-29-2008, 11:31 PM
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#4
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 203
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You can have all the gimmicky font tricks you want, but it won't make it a poem.
__________________
Darling, we love you.
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05-30-2008, 12:23 AM
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#5
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Moderator
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Indiana
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,073
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterSpider
You can have all the gimmicky font tricks you want, but it won't make it a poem.
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Yes... it's the words that tend to do that job.
Especially when they've been printed on the pages of several magazines and won several contests.
__________________
I have had a spider-tea free morning, thank you very much.
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05-30-2008, 09:25 AM
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#6
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 203
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Oh, so if it gets published it's good. I'm so silly not realizing that. Please continue with what you're doing - you're perfect!
__________________
Darling, we love you.
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05-30-2008, 11:32 AM
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#7
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Moderator
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Indiana
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,073
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Not at all. I was just pointing out that I can do what I wish with my own work, and that I don't need derision from having a bit of fun.
__________________
I have had a spider-tea free morning, thank you very much.
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05-31-2008, 01:35 PM
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#8
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Oxford
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,349
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Not usually a big fan of gimmicky pieces, but this one works quite well for me, Shawn.
Thanks for sharing
Jack
__________________
If it claims to be God, eat it.
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