Writers Forum - WritingForums.com Home Rules FAQ Members Groups Calendar Gallery Search
» Sign Up «

Welcome to Writing Forums, one of the fastest growing writing communties on the web.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions, articles and photo galleries. By joining our free community you will be able to talk with other writers, get feedback on your work to improve your writing skills, discuss ideas, share tips & tricks, network and make friends!

Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact support.
  Search Forums
Lit.Org - Bootcamp for writers. Post your work and other writers review it, it's that easy.

Advanced Search



Go Back   Writers Forum - WritingForums.com > Creativity > Poetry
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 05-13-2008, 11:35 PM   #1
Ink Slinger
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: australia
Posts: 4,397
dannyboy is an unknown quantity at this point
a poem for the end of the world (edit)

a poem for the end of the world

Sand for skin, her hand scratches along
the spine. Lips rubbed together erode
words necessary to maintain belief.
Tears cut canyons into desert heart,

numb intention, build pyres of regret,
send splintered ships into rivers. She bled
for him; they went shopping arm in arm
down bruised aisles. She bought a Ferrari

made from the hair of dead Warsaw children,
he built a house from the flesh
of Uganda’s women, they fucked the night,
lit up the next day; sold souls on the corner

to passers-by who dropped eyes of honest men
into their palms; tasted olives dipped in sin.
In their late teens they stopped talking, gazed
at the pink sky, took pot shots at shepherds

of the flock of fleeing feet. Earthquakes
for breakfast at Tiffany’s, caviar and iced kidneys
for lunch. In the evening they sat together
on the shore. Watched waves of naked breasts

bob beneath rich man’s wares. It ended too
soon - they were glad when it finally arrived.
Pulled the curtains, switched off the lights,
drank themselves senseless, felt the grease

crackle from their fish and chips hearts;
promised to meet in Old Orleans, sing
old songs, smother themselves
in the sucking, wet clay of unforgiving sex.

Sticky pools coagulate on the sheets
of sustenance, they missed the mark,
it seems, but oh the wonders of existence
were never meant for ones such as these.
dannyboy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2008, 08:29 AM   #2
Prolific Writer
 
Martin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Unsettled
Gender: Male
Posts: 309
Martin
Without reading the original, I am very impressed by this piece. You maintain your personal nonchalant style, on a grave topic, pessimistic as always, and with choking imagery's. Very good read Dannyboy, and I'm sorry, but I dare not suggest any changes to this one.

/m
Martin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2008, 03:35 PM   #3
Scribe
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 78
OddGodHMK is on a distinguished road
Fantastic. I really like this, and I'm especially keen on the flow between stanzas; I love how each stanza is not a clear concise point that comes to an end but your sentences carry on into the next. And I second Martin; no changes to suggest.
__________________
Boring Internet - www.boringinternet.co.uk - because the rest of the internet is a waste of time
OddGodHMK is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:48 AM.
Powered by vBulletin, Copyright ©2000-2007, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0


 
You are NOT Logged In.
User Name:

Password



Newsletter

Subscribe to Majestic
the official newsletter of Writing Forums and lit.org
Email:


Related Links

Link to Us:
Writing Forums - Discussions for Writers