NicB.

First take on this...might make some changes.

Night Lies

She smiles gently,
knowingly…
caresses my soul with infinite eyes.
With purpose, she moves
a fiery passion evidenced
as her hips move in primal fashion
to the music of the night.
The tropical air creates her mystery.
Mesmerized, pretend not to see,
her curly brown hair,
fiery glances and seductive curves.
Smooth, exotic skin in all directions
supple lips exude the sex that falls
from her body,
her breasts,
Her...
We are fluid with the night,
wild and fierce
unashamedly insane.
Guilty consciences defeated by lust
minds wandering
wanted, wanting.
Our eyes live our lie
for the moment;
until lives separate
And bodies march on…

NicB.

__________________
The Freedom to Dream...

PrisonerOfPrey

I dont understand the dynamic change from gently, smile knowingly, to pasion and the heat of sex. Was that on purpose because I don't think the beginning mood fits the rest of the poem. Also, I can't feel the passian, it feels something more like a description of a mail order bride. I enjoyed the ending, a touch on the ever moving, mechanics of human lives. Maybe add more of that and show your soul a little more. Don't be afraid.

__________________
Now I lay me down to sleep/
With every passing thought I weep/
Lead me into nights dark bliss/
And let me wake in innocence. -Me

Martin

Hi NicB

L4 and L6 both has "move(s)". I would change the one.

The ending doesn't quite suite the topic I think. Bit of a cliche, though it ties nicely with the title.. personal taste maybe! None the less it was certainly a passionate read.

cheers

/m

NicB.

some updates...

She smiles gently,
knowingly…
caresses my soul with infinite eyes.
With purpose, she moves
a fiery passion evidenced
as her hips rhyme with a primal rhythm
to the music of the night.
The tropical air creates her mystery.
Mesmerized, pretend not to see,
her curly brown hair,
fiery glances and seductive curves.
Smooth, exotic skin in all directions
supple lips exude the sex that falls
from her body,
her breasts,
Her...
We are fluid with the darkening dusk
wild and fierce
unashamedly insane.
Guilty consciences defeated by lust
minds wandering
wanted, wanting.
Our eyes live our lie
for the moment;
until lives separate
And bodies march on…

__________________
The Freedom to Dream...