MisterJack

deleted

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If it claims to be God, eat it.

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PrisonerOfPrey

I have enjoyed this. I only had time for a quick read through but your use of alliteration, rhyme, rhythm, and other poetic devise is excellent. A very intriguing read, and for that I thank you.

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Now I lay me down to sleep/
With every passing thought I weep/
Lead me into nights dark bliss/
And let me wake in innocence. -Me

apple

This has real attitude. Smart -assed, cocky , yet resigned. The read, the rythmn, the character, the rhyme. Really good, MJ

CMM_Kaleido

Shades of "Distraction" in tone. Always enjoyable to see that resurface.

I see the middle class drowning in a sea far below the middle and far from the compassion of any of the "snot nosed," "sarcy gits" around them.

‘An overdraft, son? Your shoes don’t fit!’
Wonderful line. It is becoming clear now that you have a gift for writing lines (there's usually at least one of these gems per poem) that are purposely mystifying, while hitting some emotional nail right on the head. How exactly do you do that?

surfacetoday

It's fucking gross, and wonderfully visceral. I like the bit about picked acne.

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Eat shit and poop it out, then repeat ten million times til you become a saggy old basset hound.

www.myspace.com/jakeharms
for music, writing stuff

Martin

"he injects his smooth ju-jitsu moves
like a Zulu on the six o’clock news"

I love the ignorance behind these lines. Superb read. Nothing to add.

/m

MisterJack

PoP: Thanks for the read and kind words

Apple: Pleased it didn't come over too cocky, but just enough to raise the point. Thank you as always for reading and the comment.

CMM: I've been reworking 'Distraction' so may repost at some point. I do write a few of these pieces, and they're good fun. I like to see the reader reaction, to make sure it comes through clear, not too angsty or pretentious. As to your question....... I'm afraid I have no answer. I just write what I see. Thank you for the read and kind words.

Surfacetoday: lol, thanks man. Appreciate you taking the time.

Martin: So glad that came through as intended. Thank you, also, for the read.


Kind regards to you all

Jack

__________________
If it claims to be God, eat it.

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