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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 05-10-2008, 03:59 PM   #1
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 6
Flon is on a distinguished road
City Lights

When drugs took over,
the people i felt for so dearly
died and awoke
to a world composed of dreams so
different than mine and they wrought
their hands in tight lugubrious knots
crooning for an angry fix, carking and mad
with their hip slang hiding in dark corners
casting sad shadows on cracked plaster walls,
with their stenching sick bodies rotting
in tombs under lush suburban valleys
gnawing and tearing
at their awful flesh prisons trying to get out,
with their families pleading for salvation
while poisoned alloy cities swallow them whole,
with their hungry red eyes,
dragging themselves across the pavement
praying to god that they live to see the other side,
I scream out for remorse
but they don't hear me,
I scream out for remorse
but my sentences shatter across their disgusting faces,
I scream out for remorse
but their smoke-stained teeth just smile back at me,
I scream out for remorse.
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Old 05-10-2008, 07:33 PM   #2
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Posts: 137
peterphreak is on a distinguished road
Dear Flon,

Forgive my ramblings which i have yet to spill. I'm known as a runny mouth as a prelude to my reading of your poem. When i read the first line, i knew i should peruse. Thanks in advance ...

Sorry, i've removed the formatting in order to quote

Quote:
Originally Posted by Flon View Post
When drugs took over,
the people i felt for so dearly
died and awoke .................................................. .....( Yes, habituation is a crime worse than dying
to a world composed of dreams so...............................( Liked the subconscious pairing with compost
different than mine and they wrought ..........................( subject/object negative dialectics
their hands in tight lugubrious knots
crooning for an angry fix, carking and mad .................( carking? something to tease or worry the reader?
with their hip slang hiding in dark corners....................( the break encourages the would be readers brake
casting sad shadows on cracked plaster walls,.............( but those enthused persevere and peruse
with their stenching sick bodies rotting
in tombs under lush suburban valleys
gnawing and tearing ...........................................( is the cancerous dis-ease in culture or chromosomes?
at their awful flesh prisons trying to get out,
with their families pleading for salvation ..................( forgive Christ love the Freud, nail the rail of Ego
while poisoned alloy cities swallow them whole,
with their hungry red eyes,
dragging themselves across the pavement----------- (who among the living today is sane? the livid dead of mourning dread
praying to god that they live to see the other side,
I scream out for remorse
but they don't hear me, -----------------------------( does anyone ever see with Clarity, the gloam in latent skies?
I scream out for remorse
but my sentences shatter across their disgusting faces,
I scream out for remorse
but their smoke-stained teeth just smile back at me,
I scream out for remorse. --------------------------- ( I sympathize, my teeth shines white
----------------------------------------------------( but on the inside it's tarred since i'm on the other side
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-............................( waiting for cancerous demise


Thanks Flon. Just lovely. I hope you don't live your prose, for how then could i hear your next prose? Very shocking poetry. I liked the formatting; it kept me entranced like a bacteriophage. You certainly have faith, but perhaps a denouement to treasure the unconditional love still there?

Last edited by peterphreak : 05-11-2008 at 01:01 PM.
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