Gate

Here I stand again, at my feet
the cold blue waters
of your deep
And I feel small

Farther then the eye can see
your expanse
And yet the small rivlets
go back to the wild foam
leaving gentle brush strokes,
your designs in the sand
And I feel small

Constant the push and pull
of your tides carving, sculpting
the hardest rock
into glassy beauty
And I feel small

I come here to your shores
when the world washes
away my wonder
I come back and restore
my awe
And I feel small

The crashing, pounding thunder
the salty spray washes the world away
and I thank God
I feel small

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" Imagine if all you ever did was kill for God. What kind of being would you be? An Angel sword dripping, your wings always dipped in blood.....Imagine."

Baron

I like the imagery in this and the repetition works.

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Gate

Thank you Baron .......nicest critique youve ever given me

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" Imagine if all you ever did was kill for God. What kind of being would you be? An Angel sword dripping, your wings always dipped in blood.....Imagine."

ms. vodka

great poem. i like how you've tackled the subject matter without making it too obvious.

the repetition, for me though, is a bit heavy handed and i don't think it's bringing anything to the piece and actually wearing out the impact of that line.

i think the line itself would pack a bigger punch and carry much more weight if it were just the last line of the poem.

great read, nonetheless.

jen

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what she said

Gate

Thanks.... And I feel small.....hehehe

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" Imagine if all you ever did was kill for God. What kind of being would you be? An Angel sword dripping, your wings always dipped in blood.....Imagine."

Gate

I was just kidding

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" Imagine if all you ever did was kill for God. What kind of being would you be? An Angel sword dripping, your wings always dipped in blood.....Imagine."

Pete_C

I liked the first stanza, I believed you, and then it just lost that impact. Go back and look at why the first stanza is strong. It's honest. It was your germ of idea, and then ... well, you just imitated that honesty. You followed a good genuine start with shadows disguised to look like the real thing.

PrisonerOfPrey

I agree with pete. The first stanza feels so much more genuine than the others. I enjoyed the repetition, it works for me. I began to anticipate the line. I will come back to this later Gate, when I have more time. A good read, although it could use some work.

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Now I lay me down to sleep/
With every passing thought I weep/
Lead me into nights dark bliss/
And let me wake in innocence. -Me

Gate

__________________
" Imagine if all you ever did was kill for God. What kind of being would you be? An Angel sword dripping, your wings always dipped in blood.....Imagine."