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They Make Eggs, You Know They Make Eggs, You Know
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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 04-29-2008, 01:54 PM   #1
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They Make Eggs, You Know
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Last edited by MisterJack : 05-08-2008 at 11:15 AM.
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Old 05-04-2008, 08:52 PM   #2
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Jack-

Surprised this piece drifted down the page uncommented.

Brilliant images and metaphors to create a portrayal of unbridled youth paired with the allure of newness.

My only suggestion concerns S1 L4, in which 'love note' begs to be plural as juxtaposed against other plural nouns that surround it. Also, the lack of an article makes it appear as if you are referring to a particular love note. I don't think that was your intention. Just a thought.

Otherwise, I loved it.

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Old 05-05-2008, 04:42 PM   #3
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Thank you for reading and commenting, Mirror. Nice to see that this works for you generally. However, do you think the 'Love note' should be more specific then? I mean, the mention of an 'article'? I will hold off on editing for now, just until I get more specifics.

Appreciate you taking the time Mirror

Kind regards

Jack
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