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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 04-27-2008, 08:54 PM   #1
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Rise (Haiku)

Hot lava rises
Satan's heavenly lamp light
dances in the Sun

Last edited by ShabookiSkittles : 04-27-2008 at 10:12 PM.
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Old 04-27-2008, 09:06 PM   #2
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I like it

but (yep one of them)

is the light that melts the 'lava' above or below in the lamp? I seem to recall the light source beings at the bottom of the lava lamp (mind you we had one when I was young - say 35 or so years ago).
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Old 04-27-2008, 09:26 PM   #3
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Sorry to be picky but true haiku should be about nature I believe. Also I understand the first and second line should only be connected by the third line. I may be wrong.

dannyboy, you are right about lava lamps having the light at the bottom, the heat from the bulb warms the wax which cools on its way up thus forcing it back down. Sorry to sound so anal but I have approximately 30 of them in the room!

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Old 04-27-2008, 10:22 PM   #4
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Lagomorph - The poem contains a kireji (pause usually located at the end of first or second line) and the kigo (nature or season word), Sun. These two traditions are all that is generally required to create a proper English language haiku. It does not necessarily have to be about nature though this is sort of a double meaning (lava lamp or volcano) poem anyways, with one of the meanings pertaining to nature.

dannyboy - You and Lagomorph are both correct about the location of the light, though interestingly (perhaps), this haiku was actually inspired by gazing at a lava lamp I had turned upside down, causing it to sort of wobble around (dance) while the lava was now rising up instead of falling down towards the heat source.

Thank you both for your reviews and I hope that I have cleared up any confusion.
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Old 04-28-2008, 02:33 PM   #5
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Enjoyed the poem--and the informative discussion.
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