Matthatter

Where is my bookshelf?
My library’s become a massive wad of crumbled up
Papers webbed together by ink knots.

A crumbling mountain of loose snakes, Snowballing
as they devour the tail (of their past creations).

I must dodge the death balls of cognitive uncertainty
As I grasp for loose bodies that will “surely” secure me:
To make the snakes slither into my mining toolkit
to better dig my way for the gold that glows through this.

But where is this compass? Is its needle in sight?
If the storm of Zeus is with me I plea for lightning to strike.

My mind has churned up too much fat
By indulging in delightful acts;
So muses rarely make it through the cataclysmic ocean.

But by grinding my gears to act
In poses strained by Ganesha’s weight—
Needing to grow but repeating the same meaningless motions—
I make myself sick as a mouse dizzied in its maze,
feigning interest in the golden cheese that directs our every brain.

mAMBOkING

i think this was funny to read in a way that it almost seems like overpoetry. i mean, there seemed to be alot broad and random imagery stuffed into this, but i liked it alot for some reason. it was fun to read- felt almost like watching a funny cartoon

MisterJack

Another good read from you, Matthatter. I enjoyed this very much. The line breaks in the first stanza, line 2 specifically, could be tightened. I could suggest reworking slightly like so.....

My library’s become a massive wad
of crumbled up Papers
webbed together by ink knots.


you get the half rhymes at the end as well this way. Just a suggestion is all.

Loved the imagery, the loss of hope, direction and faith. Good use of rhyme and half rhyme throughout. I liked this very much, as I said. Will certainly read again and again.


Thanks for sharing

Jack

__________________
If it claims to be God, eat it.

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Matthatter

mAMBOkING,

Thanks for your comment, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Sometimes I have a problem with making a jump from one symbol to the other without making the meaning between the two more clear for the reader, so I can understand hwy it would seem random.

My writing is indeed very broad, in that, as someone whose primary interest is psychology, I tend to describe patterns of thinking, using symbolism to do so, rather than describing a limited number of symbols more thoroughly. Some like it...maybe the more introverted? My poetry rarely describes certain moments, but instead general themes of man producing his own misery.

I think my next poem will be an exercise in sticking to a stricter (more followable) subjective.

I really liked the comment about cartoons, as I can be a pretty visual thinker describing a montage. I'm not sure exactly what you mean, though. Can you clarify that for me?


MisterJack,

Thanks again for your input and, again, very helpful insights!

I could suggest reworking slightly like so.....

Makes it sound much better! Great stuff.

Awesome that you picked up on that! This is about the inability to get a solid belief in the world, which makes actions very uncomfortable (as one doesn't feel they are acting properly).

xxPoisonAppleGreenxx

Very nice.
That's sometimes how I feel. But then my writing is really all over the place. It's so chaotic!

__________________
-Carefully dissect the part of me that died, leave it out for you to take. I wonder, do you notice the difference between the living and the dead?-