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Trials of the Heart Trials of the Heart
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Old 04-23-2008, 09:54 AM   #1
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Lamia is on a distinguished road
Trials of the Heart
Trials of the Heart

Thy hate, thy love,
Thy scourns delight,
Thy sliver clouds,
Thy body drowns,
Thy path well traveled,
Thy paths well hidden,
Thy guards are many,
Thy freedoms unknown,
Thy cares, thine wants,
Thou hast many tears.

hey its been awhile but i hope you enjoy this peice.
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What is there to fear when you have looked into the mirror and accepted your darker half. Lamia
Last edited by Lamia : 04-25-2008 at 09:56 AM.
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Old 04-24-2008, 05:21 PM   #2
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The last "thy" should be a "thou".
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Old 04-25-2008, 09:56 AM   #3
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thanx the change was made
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Old 04-25-2008, 02:20 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lamia View Post
Trials of the Heart

Thy hate, thy love,
Thy scourns delight, an apostrpahe between "scourn" and "s"?
Thy sliver clouds,
Thy body drowns,
Thy path well traveled,
Thy paths well hidden,
Thy guards are many,
Thy freedoms unknown,
Thy cares, thine wants, I don't think you can have an object after "thine" unless the word starts with a vowel.
Thou hast many tears.

hey its been awhile but i hope you enjoy this peice.

The tenses here are confusing, so forgive any errors I make in interpretation. I wish you would use some periods, since a list of objects and events reads rather oddly. The "thy"s got a bit annoying after awhile, sorry.
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