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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 04-15-2008, 05:13 PM   #1
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: South Dakota
Gender: Female
Posts: 8
LadyLuck
Twisted Liar

You ignore everything I say,
And twist so it works your way.
You make it so that every day
I sit and wonder what
Will happen next with you.
I can not understand your disbelief
Or figure out the constant
Battle raging between
You and me.

I can not seem to find
A way to get the words
Through that I’m trying to say.
You turn away and seem to see
Another world without me,
I understand that this is hard
But we really need to go through this.
Together we need to stand
We need to fight this not stay under his hand.
You ignore everything I say,
And twist so it works your way.
You show me that you would rather believe
The liar you live with
Than me.

You tell me of your love for me
And promise it is true
But when I tell you
Of the truth
You turn away and listen
To the man you say you love
But you tell me you are here for me
Are you even listening?
Why must you ignore everything I say?
Why must you twist it so that it works your way?
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Old 04-15-2008, 05:39 PM   #2
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: America
Gender: Female
Posts: 464
PrisonerOfPrey is on a distinguished road
This might be lyrical put it doesn't sound poetical to me. The rhythm is awful, it doesn't really flow at all. When I read it it sounded more like a list than anything els. Forgive me if I am wrong though, I am a bit groggy. Try having a little more conformity in syllable count and stanza length. Also work around with the enjambment. p.s, Welcome to the forums!
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Now I lay me down to sleep/
With every passing thought I weep/
Lead me into nights dark bliss/
And let me wake in innocence.
-Me
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