ShabookiSkittles

Springtime in Alaska

A healthy afterglow
emanates from snowflakes
who sweat profusely --
illuminating frozen vapors
suspended in time and space --
patiently awaiting Summer's soft embrace
on the ceilings of our gondalas --

Sol retires beyond perception's edge
and creeps up behind us
to disrupt the peace
at the dawn of every new day

GridCanal

I understood the first half of this poem, with the turning of the season and the snow waiting to be melted into water. But the last half I don't understand, due to my ignorance. What's a gondala?
I do like the structure of this poem and how it's so short but it delivers its visual scenerio and essence to my mind, even though I don't fully understand its meaning.

Now that I read it again i think it might have to do with mother sun and her life she gives when winter's reign of death is finally over. Is that it or am I way off?

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Baron

I enjoyed the imagery in this one. "emenates" should be "emanates". I think that you could work a little more on the enjambment.

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MisterJack

I agree with Baron on the content and the enjambment issue.
Though, I loved this line in particular.....

on the ceilings of our gondalas

nice. Be good to see what you do with it

Jack

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Ilasir Maroa

I understand exactly what you're trying to say, but I don't feel the second part and some of the overall language makes this individual enough. I also like the line Jack pointed out, because it expressed something specific and not often used. The other images seemed a bit more average.

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