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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 04-13-2008, 08:44 AM   #1
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Chutes and Ladders

Chutes and Ladders

I'd climb and I'd climb
though time after time
I'd be off by a beat
stumbling over my feet
sliding down to the start
with my new, fractured heart --
Every ladder abound...
sets me up
knocks me down

I went around
strolling straight down the path
I'd arrived at the end
for the first time and last
and though seasons have shifted
as well as my past
I saw what I saw
and arrived far too fast

My heart finally shatters --
I have to decide
to take one last leap...
jump headfirst down the slide.
-Shabooki Skittles

Last edited by ShabookiSkittles : 04-14-2008 at 11:09 AM. Reason: Omitted first stanza, Improved fluency
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Old 04-14-2008, 07:01 AM   #2
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as i was reading i kept thinking, Dr Seuss *smile*
& i had a bit of trouble with the second stanza
the rhythm seems to be paced a lot quicker
i wasn't quite ready, it took a few goes
to get right, altho, i do like this part..

Quote:

Every ladder abound...

set me up
knocked me down
if only the rest flowed like that
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Old 04-14-2008, 08:40 AM   #3
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I really like the idea behind this. It is potentially really good if you tidy that rhythm a little.
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Old 04-15-2008, 08:16 AM   #4
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I made it flow a bit better and ommited the rather akward first stanza completely. As always, thanks for taking the time.
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