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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 04-12-2008, 06:18 PM   #1
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Lightning Dance

Came up with this while I was writing a story I'm working on. I'm not a poetry "expert" but I'm more interested in peoples' understanding of the poem, not the level of poetic skill in it. So, enjoy.

A seemingly eternal lightning dance
The shocks spark back and forth
Striking one another
The ground sets aflame
The sky bursts with energy
The storms weaken with each devastating blow
The rain pats the ground as the clouds morph and shift and move
The entire world seems motionless as the steel energy blasts the world to bits
Suddenly, one storm moves away, losing it's ground
The intensity drops
The stronger storm take the new ground, pushing and blowing and striking
Fog and fire descends upon the earth below
Sparks of pain and screaming thunder echo across the plains.
Chaos seems to engulf reality and the storms battle in the sky
The red rain of doom seeps through the cracks in the clouds.

Then a body falls. A sword breaks. And the storms calm.
__________
Kinda short, but what do y'all think?
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Old 04-13-2008, 05:06 AM   #2
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Hey Monkuta

First off, if you are interested in our understanding of your poem, you shouldn't include an intro. Intro's paint the way we see the poem!

About your piece, it made me think of a speciel effects script for a movie So definitly made me imagine some powerful forces. For any deeper meaning I only get some kind of battle between someone (or something)...

/m
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Old 04-13-2008, 11:27 AM   #3
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A very enjoyable read, poetically speaking I don't see any faults. Your imagery is superb keep it up! (When I say I don't see faults I don't mean there aren't any, just that I was too caught up in the emotion to find them)
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Old 04-13-2008, 11:45 AM   #4
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I love a poem with some energy. The imagery was impressive. It had fluency from start to finish and was really very good. Two fighting storms is quite an epic scene and I enjoyed experiencing it. Kudos.
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