ShabookiSkittles

Prophet of Peace

My shirt is as dark as my soul
Dry ice is as cold as my heart
My skin is as dry as a desert
As vicious as Albert was smart
I am --
as stubborn as sunlight is bright

A suicide bomber
A preacher of peace
A paradox of beliefs

An angel of death
A prophet of peace
A paradox of beliefs

The death of the Sun
brings the death of the sons
I've extinguished the light
now my work here is done
and we'll wither away
and then Jesus will die -
Lost in the spectrum of time
He is --
forgetten forever and ever, Amen.

ShabookiSkittles

It's been revised. It's now considerably longer and explains what is going on better. (I also decided on a new title)

Martin

Hey Shabookiskittles

I think this piece picks on very well. Loose the "a" before desert but other than that, first half is expressing an intruiging ambivalence.. but the 3. stanza is more than less a repetition of the 2. and the 4. still have me questioning who "the teller" are!!

but very nice first half..

also, if you in the 4. stanza killed the sun, then, in the last line of 1. stanza it should be "was" instead of "is"..

cheers

/m

CMM_Kaleido

I'm with Martin. Stanza 1 is the best. From there on out you revert to telling and not showing--and effectively hitting your poor reader over the head with the message instead of "letting" them discover it for themselves.

S. Nine

I love the concept, and I feel that you explain it very well

booker41

Not bad.

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GridCanal

The cataloguing technique was good in the first three stanzas, then you completing shifted gears by going to free verse in the last stanza.
In my mind, I think it's about the antichrist coming to destroy the world. With everyone gone, there is no one to wage war, murder, rape, etc. With no one to commit the crimes against god, there is peace.

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