Mr. Interstellar

The specter in the mirror predicts that
I am going to be wonderfully burnt.
And I am burnt, burnt to the core.
All of my trembling edges,
All of those unimpressed pages
Narrate my soulful soulless endeavors.

I stand in the doorway of avoidance and I stand still.
I stand there with my favorite bankrupt dreams.
The specter calls them butterfly hallucinations.
Yes, I am hallucinating.
I am having visions of the unattainable.
The loser in me is reaching the peak.
The stunner in me is losing the game.

The specter in the mirror utters
Mantras of innocence to me
When I walk into the pitch-black path
And distinguish my shadow from the darkness.

Then eventually I build many barriers around me,
Barriers that help me to recognize YOU.

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When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.

ShabookiSkittles

I think "and I am burnt, burnt to the core" could be ommited completely. It seems a bit redundant. I think soulful soulless is a bit too contradictory. It being such a similar word sort of throws out the alliteration value also. I like it though. It is very creepy and the ending is absolutely eerie.

Mr. Interstellar

I was kind of banking on this contradiction while writing this piece. But I totally know where are you coming from. Thanks for pointing out the weakness. It helps bigtime!

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When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.

ShabookiSkittles

Lol, what a delayed response...

LolliAdverbs

I saw the contradiction, but I wasn't sure what to make of it. I thought it was just an error. If you're banking on it, it would help to write something that has to do with this contradiction in the next verse.

Wording aside (we all write differenty, after all) I like the first verse for the contradiction alone. But... i didn't see what bearing it had on the rest of the poem.

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Modify yourself.

Gate

Teen Angsty

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" Imagine if all you ever did was kill for God. What kind of being would you be? An Angel sword dripping, your wings always dipped in blood.....Imagine."