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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 04-08-2008, 03:33 PM   #1
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As a Mako Shark

I want it to be clear that I did not write this, that my grandfather did. This was in response to my Mako shark poem which he read.

As a Mako Shark, I feel you are rude
To think of my kind as just food
I spend many hours at play
in the ocean, where I want to stay


Instead of throwing me in a pan
Run to the store for fish in a can
You humans cast out the net
To see all the fish you can get


I think I have a new plan
Let the fish go after man
I say knock-um out of the boat
And see how long they can float


With me, man uses a big hook
And brags how long it took
Like a woman catches a guy
I’ll peek at him with a sexy eye
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Old 04-08-2008, 11:46 PM   #2
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Your Grandfather's rhyme is not so forced--they fit more naturally to the context.

Poetic debate over dinner. Made me chuckle.
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Old 04-09-2008, 12:03 AM   #3
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I just don't like the ending on this one either. :/ It just seems like you a choosing a strange place to end. And "I think I have a new plan" might sound better as just "I have a new plan". I like the second stanza the best by the way. A little bit of comic relief. I do love how upbeat your poems are.
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