The Revelator

This is a poem I did for a class in tribute to what may have been the most delicious thing I've ever eaten. It's not much but I wrote it fifteen minutes before it was due, so it doesn't truly do the meal justice. My grandfather wrote a poem in response which I will put up.

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"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh." - George Shaw

People fear he who brings Revelations, for people fear the truth. I am an agent of truth, hence an agent of fear.

CMM_Kaleido

Last line is a bit of a let down--but the rest of the poem did make me hungry. Rhyming is forced so the poem stays on the "cute" side--but hey, it's not due anymore, why not take a little more time and do the meal justice (and try the poem without the rhyme scheme)?

ShabookiSkittles

It is really cool and flows very smoothly but I suggest tweaking the ending. It's not only off beat but it's also just a very abrubt stop. If you can fix that then this could damn well become the best poem about mako sharks ever!

Pete_C

The meter is all over the place, and some of the rhymes are a bit twee and so simple as to be almost predictable. As a result, it doesn't come across as a serious poem, but it also lacks the edge of a humorous poem too. It sits somewhere between the two, with neither enough humour or poetic content to make it easy to push in either direction.

It comes across that, as you say, you threw it together at the last minute, and suffers as a result. It could well be the best illustration of why forced work rarely excels.

The Revelator

Yea, someday when I have time (ha) I'm gonna sit down and re-write this poem better.

__________________
"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh." - George Shaw

People fear he who brings Revelations, for people fear the truth. I am an agent of truth, hence an agent of fear.