dannyboy

Wherever Jude may be

Soft as butter on a plate
left on the wooden table
in a kitchen emptied of people
and purpose, light fades.

There is no scream
as night settles; a blanket
tossed, in the folds and rolls
memories tumble with hopes -

Her red hair always sparkles
and the kisses she bestowed
tingle in the synaptic tears
night ushers in with torchlight

The small, white ‘oh’ a moan
before the real stuff begins.
Light enters, cheap curtains brushed
aside by the burgling of a breeze.

Awake
Shower
Teeth

Making the children’s lunches
he waits for her footsteps
to wash away his dreams,
spreads butter into relationships.

mybigboots

I thought this wonderful. Evocative in a sylvia plath way. made hairs go up on the back of my neck.

There are a couple of tinkerings needed, but I'm sure you don't need me to show you those.

Boots

ShabookiSkittles

It was really cool. The whole thing went along very smoothly and for some reason the opening line "Soft as butter on a plate" really sticks and draws you into the rest of it. the only part of the thing I disliked was:
"The small, white ‘oh’ a moan
before the real stuff begins."
That aside it was done really well and I really enjoyed it

Garden of Kadesh

Unique idea, I particularly liked :

"Awake
Shower
Teeth"

Good way to show the monotony of the whole routine.

__________________
All that moves is easily heard in the void. We will listen for you.

dannyboy

thanks for the responses.

danny