Sympathy's Sepulchur: Society's Sideshows (Story VI) - Writers Forum

ShabookiSkittles · 03-24-2008, 12:26 AM

I recently started a thread in the critiques forum requesting assignments where I would be forced to adhere to specific guidelines. The very first poster, Florianstamp, requested this of me
"a 20 line poem, rhyming in whatever way you like. every word beginning with S" and FYI, It SUCKS to make every word start with S. Enjoy.

Sympathy's Sepulchre: Society's Sideshows (Story VI)
Sociopath's Slanted Schemes --
Struggling, Sickly Subject's Screams
Satiate Sub-rosa Supplications --
Spectate Stooges' Somber Situations

Surviving Selection:
Shamed Saints Showcasing Satan's Stare
Seen Staking Stolen Silverware
Such Sinful Serpents Speculate --
Should Sisters Suffer Slaughter's Storm?
Should Sobbing Sons Succumb Such Scourge?
Suckling Siblings Stand Subject --
Sweet-tempered Sadists Soon Select.....

"Star-crossed Sister -- Sorrow Shall Subside.....
Sin's Scythes Supply Surceasing Strides
So Singsong Superfluently -- Some Songster's Sweet Soliloquy
Serenadeing Semblances --Submerging Sheltered Sentience
Shall Sinner's Scythes Slay Speedily" --
She Scarcely Stammered "S---"
--------------------------------Self-Indulgent Sacrifice---------------------------------------------------
-Shabooki Skittles

peterphreak · 03-24-2008, 12:44 AM

Is the twentieth line ...

-Shabooki Skittles?

or Self-Indulgent Sacrifice?

Sorry for your pain in the "s"

ShabookiSkittles · 03-24-2008, 12:59 AM

Lol, I uppoe It doen't matter which line i the 20th. I jut hope I never have to ee that letter again.

Hobo · 03-24-2008, 01:46 AM

pectacular form my friend. I could have never risen to that challenge. I do however regret to inform you that the ite i no longer allowed any more of that letter for the ret of the month. Thank for uing our allotment.

Celereon · 03-24-2008, 04:31 AM

That is VERY impressive...oops I meant "That i VERY impreive"

I didn't quite get the meaning behind the poem, but that's probably due to my vocabulary.
The poem does have a meaning, right?

dannyboy · 03-24-2008, 04:47 AM

its shit and belongs in another forum. One for games.

dwellerofthedeep · 03-24-2008, 07:11 AM

It looks pretty good to me for a consonant challenged mess. Not bad at all from the perspective of building your awareness of your s-words.

Florianstamp · 03-24-2008, 08:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dannyboy

its shit and belongs in another forum. One for games.

Leave it out. Have you seen a better poem where all words start with S, thought not.

I can't believe you did it, but I can safely say this is without a doubt my favourite S poem.

Baron · 03-24-2008, 08:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Florianstamp

Leave it out. Have you seen a better poem where all words start with S, thought not.

I can't believe you did it, but I can safely say this is without a doubt my favourite S poem.

Sadly, I have to agree with dannyboy. This is just a word game.

MisterJack · 03-24-2008, 09:06 AM

Shouldn't it be 'Sepulchre'?

Alliteration is one thing, this....

and there was me thinking this was a workshop/critique forum.

ShabookiSkittles · 03-24-2008, 02:12 PM

What I was basically envisioning when I wrote it was a secret area where people where brought to be slaughtered and then prominents members of society (Saints) would satisfy their lust for violence and gore by gambling on who would die. I understand where you are coming from when you say this is a "word game", But (If I'm mistaken then somebody please prove me wrong) I'm not sure it would have been possible for a poem to possess Fluency, Meaning, and Proper Sentence Structure, where every word begins with the letter S. What I'm trying to say is that I'm looking to be critiqued within the boundaries of my limitation and not comparatively with all other unrestricted poetry.

Baron · 03-24-2008, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShabookiSkittles

What I was basically envisioning when I wrote it was a secret area where people where brought to be slaughtered and then prominents members of society (Saints) would satisfy their lust for violence and gore by gambling on who would die. I understand where you are coming from when you say this is a "word game", But (If I'm mistaken then somebody please prove me wrong) I'm not sure it would have been possible for a poem to possess Fluency, Meaning, and Proper Sentence Structure, where every word begins with the letter S. What I'm trying to say is that I'm looking to be critiqued within the boundaries of my limitation and not comparatively with all other unrestricted poetry.

On the basis of "it is what it is" you've done a good job. Workshop and critique is aimed at improvement and there the problem presents itself. To improve it would need to be more fluent so as a poem the jury is still out. I think that you've done well to get the rhyme/half rhyme into this one.