A-L

I'm not sure about this poem, I like it, but I feel as if it needs a lot of work, or perhaps something else... Anything would be appreciated.


I dance among them
A boy unseen
Motions but
Specters in fog
I spin and spiral
A web of ideas
Catch a fly
To my success
Plans carry
The weight
Of present
Gold shall embroider
Deeds of the future
Amidst stars
My mind wanders
Of the day that I
Shall grasp them
The road is clear
Yet so desolate and dry
No one alongside me
I shall be alone
But the world knows
Even the sun
Must rise on its own

For me with Squalor

Well the ending was the only thing that I really liked about it, the enjambments need reconstruction as most of them don't really work, the format might need to be re-thought.
As far as what you are saying, to me it hops around a lot from thought to thought not really settling anywhere. I maybe wrong as to my interpretation.
I don't like Its not true, you don't know anything about the future and this bothers me. If you have a reason for writing it then I will take it back, I promise. Also After the previously quoted lines, I really think you should divide the stanza and make it 2! Thats my 50c

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"The fooling, the idleness enjoyed by the few while the majority suffered, could itself create an illusion of character and originality."
Boris Pasternak