Threads

[Vik]

ai bin nekid
------runnin rown dem fillds
---and dat durty awld mon
wid hiz pekka floppin
--- upun darn
he warna tuch me bad
-----tween de laygs

Cause of death cannot be determined.
Several factors certainly contributed
to death, but none can be attributed
as an obvious overriding cause. There
were severe lacerations in several areas
including the upper arms, thighs and
the thorax, as well as

dat durty durty mon
---he mayed me darnse
--------and he darnsed to bud
hiz darnse wos wun ov
---intrushun

Invoice No: 14372
Headstone, black granite
Edge profile: No 2
Header: Rounded
Wording carved, gilt inset
Content: To be confirmed by family

den he pooshed me darn
--------unda da tri
---un he tol me
dat iv I eva tella sole...

[J.R. MacLean]

Quite an audacious juxtaposition here, Vik.

The second stanza could be ( and I think would be, in a coroner's report) more concise.

Interesting work.

[MisterJack]

You're quite a character, Vik. This is another stunning piece of work. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I'm a little unsure of the 'Lilt' voice on occasion, but there are times when I read it and I think, i don't care about that, it doesn't bother me at all.

I disagree gracefully with J.R about that coroners report. I think it's fine as is. Not too much, just enough.

Good read

Jack

[apple]

Darn you. You write with such color, earth and intimacy. I've only read the one other poem that you posted and I was so impressed. I'm looking forward to more of your stuff. So good. So different. I like the poem just as it is.

[Pete_C]

My initial reaction was "No, not phonetics, please", but having read it a few times I can see that using correct Hingerlish would have detracted from the poem. It has that nice duality that the phonetics introduces.

[Baron]

A good, enjoyable read. Thanks for posting.