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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
02-27-2008, 10:32 AM
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#1
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Gender: Female
Posts: 789
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A few captured moments (haiku)
These are some recent attempts at haiku. As they're only short, I hope it is not against ettiquette to post them all in one thread.
Talking To Him
The edge of my smile
that appears when you call me
is a battle wound
Watching Her Die
It looked like sleeping
but lost to a further world
Death breaks his silence
Afterwards
Thorns lacerate skin
insects can taste her presence
and prepare to feed
__________________
All my best thoughts were stolen by the ancients. Ralph Waldo Emerson
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02-29-2008, 04:27 AM
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#2
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: London
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,299
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Strictly speaking, to qualify as Haiku they should address nature. The first one, which is the best, might qualify as Senryu, which addresses human nature.
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03-01-2008, 04:28 AM
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#3
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Gender: Female
Posts: 789
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Thankyou for the clarification - I did actually wonder about that after I posted these.
__________________
All my best thoughts were stolen by the ancients. Ralph Waldo Emerson
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03-01-2008, 08:30 AM
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#4
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Peterborough, Canada
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,916
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The first one is great. Good idea to post a few at a time.
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03-02-2008, 01:49 AM
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#5
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Gender: Female
Posts: 789
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Thanks for the compliment. I liked the first one most as well, but it looked so small and lonely all by itself... 
__________________
All my best thoughts were stolen by the ancients. Ralph Waldo Emerson
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03-02-2008, 02:19 AM
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#6
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: AmbientArtists
Gender: Private
Posts: 3,866
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First one was good, the second cliche, the third in the middle.
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My hopeful book:
Crap! Haven't posted it anywhere yet, darn!
"Only tyranny cloaks itself in shadows. The light of justice can not be hidden."    
www.theoddvillepress.com
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03-02-2008, 05:37 AM
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#7
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Scribe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 59
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'Talking to him' is great. It is a clear vivid image which communicates emotion.
Like it!
Keep it up.
Thanks,
Firebird
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03-02-2008, 06:51 AM
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#8
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Nov 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 887
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I like the first one, too. It introduces another dimension.
Looking forward to more of your work.
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03-02-2008, 08:17 AM
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#9
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Gender: Female
Posts: 789
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Thankyou to everyone for the positive feedback, it is most encouraging - particularly to note that I was on the right track in thinking that 'Talking To Him' was the better of the three.
Thanks again.
__________________
All my best thoughts were stolen by the ancients. Ralph Waldo Emerson
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