J.R. MacLean

In the inkwell's spotlight-
ballpoint love,
garlanded by a potpourri
of pencil shavings,
indented sculptures
(fragrantly soft to barnacle hard)
and a gummi bear, thick shelled, lost in the wood.

Determined twelve year old fingers
probe the heart-framed passions
of Randy + Kate
then raise themselves high
to catch the softball question
puffed from the glorious cushions
of Miss Roberts' lips.

Answer blurts;
laughter hurts;
white school shirt
like dead balloon skin
draped to the elbow
by the lead smudges
of a thousand bored scribbles.

Mirror

Ah, yes, those school benches.

There's a captivating vapidness in this poem. It works as a mood piece. Very textural.

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Selected poetry by Ariana Rink and John Williamson:

http://www.lulu.com/content/2956099

MisterJack

Surprised this has got so far down the page without comment.

Nice images. The first stanza was a bit of a mouthful, I stumbled a couple of times over it. S2 is great, nothing wrong bar the '+'. Any particular reason?

S3 starts really quick and suddenly grinds, almost to a halt.

I'll come back with more, I have no suggestions as yet, just thought I'd bring those points up for you sir.

Jack

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If it claims to be God, eat it.

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Vik

I liked the images sprinkled around. There is a juxtaposition of moods too, which makes this feel more real than some others in a similar theme. I enjoyed the read.

J.R. MacLean

Mirror: I see it more as condensed story than as mood piece, though there are certainly gobs of nostalgia.

Jack: mmm. I'll review that first stanza. Sometimes I pare things down too much...

The + is how the 'lovers' names appeared, carved within a heart in the bottom of the desk.

Vik: happy you enjoyed it.

thanks all for reading and commenting.

CMM_Kaleido

I absolutely love this poem.

I am just not sure how well "disaster" fits. "Carbon dated" conjures up images of scientists busy working on evolutionary hypotheses. Am I correct that the title is a description of the desk as the 12-year-olds have left it? The tone of the poem is playful ("catch the softball question"), nostalgic (reader influenced), and sweet even ("garlanded," "potpourri," "fragrantly soft," and "scribbles"). "Disaster" seems to jar with these poignantly sweet images. Is it a bit too sarcastic maybe?

On the other hand, is "disaster" a description of all the kids who ever sat at this desk and ever will–-they themselves covered in "lead smudges"? This was actually how I interpreted it on first reading. I hope not, because I can see this little guy and he seems like a pretty good kid–-a little distracted but worth the effort.

TrackStar11

I liked this poem a lot. The description of the school benches is very well done.

J.R. MacLean

CMM: The 'disaster' is that the student, in reaching inside the desk, has smeared his sleeve and the other students laugh at him when he raises his arm. Thanks for reading and commenting.

TS11: Thanks- Funny, you Americans seem to call them benches instead of desks. That's a little difference I wasn't aware of... Thanks for reading and commenting.

TrackStar11

Actually, we do call them desks. Mirror's post just made me think that you were talking about a bench.