apple

The Doctor Is Out (A little sumthin' ugly)

Your spine, bone hard and full
adorned with fluff that barely sticks
like the persona of your relevance.
Waste of points. Works better
on porcupines
and mountain ranges.

I want to hurt your heart,
dis-gorging contents with my teeth.
You are coughed up phlegm
and green snots that coagulate
inside wadded balls of tissue.

Your body’s laryngitis,
nettled and inflamed seeps
waste and words inside your pallet
and I‘ll never give prescription
to heal my hate again.

Baron

A pleasant piece! Good rhythm and flow to this one and you've certainly made your point in an amusing way.

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Vik

I noticed the faded sumthin' ugly the second time! I laughed harder the second time I read it. Deliciously evil.

Mirror

Good one, Apple. I'm one to embrace coarse images, and this piece had them by the bucketful.

Slightly irresolute about the enjambment in the first stanza. Seems at odds with the subsequent stanzas.

S3 L1-2 (the comma) - I feel that another comma is needed after 'inflamed' or simply no commas at all to avoid syntactic ambiguities.

A good read.

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Selected poetry by Ariana Rink and John Williamson:

http://www.lulu.com/content/2956099

MisterJack

Good to see you posting again, apple. This is a bit different from your usual.
Malicious, hostile, fericious, callous, I could go on. You have a dark side that's coming through and making me choose my words carefully.

I agree with Mirror about the enjambment. Line four of stanza 1, the 'Works better' was the main culprit.

I guess we'll see how carefully I've chosen my words soon

Very good poem.

Jack

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If it claims to be God, eat it.

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apple

I was cranky.

I see what you mean about the first verse. I wll fix it to be just as nasty as the last two. Thank you all for your comments and I look forward to more black moods and dark places.

Pete_C

I liked this, but for me it cries out for a little more depth, a little more spite and darkness. References to green snots seems slightly child-like, and lacks the malice that many of the images carry.

Nice work if you can get it!