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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
02-25-2008, 03:41 AM
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#1
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,914
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Rancour Bites
Last edited by Baron : 03-07-2008 at 09:11 AM.
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02-25-2008, 06:47 AM
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#2
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Nov 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 780
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Once again, Baron, I can't help but feel slapped. It's the mention of layers and phonics with which I identify.
Then, further down, I read 'verbal protests, written curse' and breathed a sigh of relief.
I like your poem, of course - as usual. Nothing needs altering.
And I have an inkling as to who the inspiration might be, but I won't divulge.
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02-25-2008, 08:07 AM
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#3
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,914
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mirror
Once again, Baron, I can't help but feel slapped. It's the mention of layers and phonics with which I identify.
Then, further down, I read 'verbal protests, written curse' and breathed a sigh of relief.
I like your poem, of course - as usual. Nothing needs altering.
And I have an inkling as to who the inspiration might be, but I won't divulge.
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Thinking about starting the paranoid poet's society  It would be foolish to write something that might offend anyone who regularly critiques my work. when I wrote this I was listening to David Bowie's "Queen Bitch". If that's significant or not, I don't know.
I'm glad that you enjoyed this and am grateful for your comment. |
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02-25-2008, 08:28 AM
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#4
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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Nice poem Baron. Each stanza held its own. I still despise the fact I have no clue who you allude to. But that's not important.
__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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02-25-2008, 08:57 AM
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#5
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,914
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eiji Tunsinagi
Nice poem Baron. Each stanza held its own. I still despise the fact I have no clue who you allude to. But that's not important.
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Perhaps it should be dedicated to anyone that I've reviewed who doesn't return the favour    |
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02-25-2008, 09:47 AM
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#6
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Oxford
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,349
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It appears you are slipping into 'rant' territory, Baron 
__________________
If it claims to be God, eat it.
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02-25-2008, 10:41 AM
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#7
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Chicago
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,348
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I will return to this later.
__________________
How can you expect a man who's warm to understand a man who's cold?
- Solzhenitsyn "Ivan Denisovich"
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02-25-2008, 10:41 AM
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#8
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,914
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterJack
It appears you are slipping into 'rant' territory, Baron |
Wry observation rather than rant, Jack.  |
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02-25-2008, 03:52 PM
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#9
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,914
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Edgewise
I will return to this later.
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I look forward to seeing your thoughts. |
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02-25-2008, 04:00 PM
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#10
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Addict
Join Date: Feb 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 145
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I absolutely love the poem, though im unsure of the last line, but thats probably just me
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02-25-2008, 06:29 PM
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#11
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Chicago
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,348
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baron
Rancour bites,
rapacious rites,
commits the crime
then marks the time;
poet lashes out
in spite,
creating layers
so sublime. So far, so good.
Flowing
free in phonic pitch,
veiled words
create the questions -
where images reveal
the bitch Bitch and pitch...not quite sure what I think of that one. On the one hand, it makes contextual sense, on the other, it seems a bit forced.
format feeds the vain
suggestions.
Unfolded verse
from bad to worse
and back and forth
the poison flows,
verbal protests, written curse,
sardonic wit,
a bloody nose.
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This was a great piece Baron. If I may be so bold as to say so, it seems as if you've entered my realm of the poetry realm...passionate oratory spewed from an angry pulpit. This had great rhythm to it, which seems to be lacking in the forums these days, aside from a few whose names I feel to do not need to name. No quibbles with this, aside from bitch/pitch. Enjoyed the read.
I hope I am not one of those on the recieving end of this piece. If I was, I have only a couple of words to say:
I SURRENDER!
__________________
How can you expect a man who's warm to understand a man who's cold?
- Solzhenitsyn "Ivan Denisovich"
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02-25-2008, 06:54 PM
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#12
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: AmbientArtists
Gender: Private
Posts: 3,694
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*sigh* Must these keep appearing? Paranoia and suspicion seems to be inspiring quite a few pieces lately. Thank the Goddess, that none of this applies to me. 
Overal, I thought this was a smooth piece, Baron. Some of the one-word lines were just a teensy bit jarring, though.
__________________
My hopeful book:
Crap! Haven't posted it anywhere yet, darn!
"Only tyranny cloaks itself in shadows. The light of justice can not be hidden."
www.theoddvillepress.com
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02-25-2008, 09:02 PM
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#13
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Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Philadelphia PA
Gender: Female
Posts: 18
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Did somone post a theme that we should all be following, I'm new and I could have missed that : -) This poem is layered and still easy to access. I just love it when something strikes a nerve.
__________________
There are lots of great stories out there, but we tend to get hung up focusing on getting to the end of the story. Why? Stories are journeys.
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02-26-2008, 04:47 AM
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#14
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,914
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Roxane
I absolutely love the poem, though im unsure of the last line, but thats probably just me
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Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. |
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02-26-2008, 05:05 AM
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#15
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Scotland
Gender: Male
Posts: 250
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Positively 3rd Street!
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