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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 02-18-2008, 11:51 AM   #1
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For once

For once I will look and see
the battle starring back at me;
the heavy burden on my heart
that takes the soul and makes it smart.

For who am I justified
to carry the sins I bear;
the enemy inside of me
does not care to share.

The sweetest smile of loving care
ilumes the cellar dark
of grief and spoil, task and toil;
bright memory shade to spark.

With life's gifts given in plenty
or barely passed around.
I look to find the soldier
and love cannot be found.
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Old 02-21-2008, 03:54 PM   #2
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The rhythm falters occasionally in this but it reads well. I'm not sure about the change in rhyme scheme after the first stanza.
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Old 02-23-2008, 02:06 PM   #3
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The flow and even the variations of rhythm are what comes out of me. I've been working on this for a while and am not sure the rhyme scheme is a problems so much as the content. Did it flow into a meaning for you?
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