Pete_C

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Baron

A good one, Pete. I'd suggest changing that end if you want more universal appeal. I suspect that mose of our American friends won't get it.

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MisterJack

For some reason, this reminded me of those 'Confessions of....' movies. I think, not only is it the theme, but the language use. Words like 'dashing', 'Dolly Birds', 'coupons' and 'donkey jacket'. They take me back to the eighties. The demise of that particular 'tradesman' is inevitable.
Were you being clever with ' 'round '?

Enjoyed the read Pete.


Jack

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If it claims to be God, eat it.

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ms. vodka

hey pete.

the first line could be made stronger if you considered bumping up some of the words.

also, i wouldn't repeat it in the next stanza but begin with 'he cut a dashing figure'.

well written overall.

nice to read.

jen

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Skidding Through the Mud Incognito
confessions of a modern day poetess

Pete_C

I had a long and considered think about this, and although my decision might to be to its detriment, I decided that I wanted it to retain that quintessential "Britishness" that won us so many world wars.

I was right proud of squeezing "Dolly Birds" into a serious piece of work! Confessions of a Driving Instructor; that's the one where Mrs Oxo gets her thrupennies out!

Yeah, I agree. I was unsure about the repetition at the time, and with hindsight I decided to out it.

Iseult

Being raised in Canada I will admit to not understanding all of the references that you mentioned, despite that I liked this read. I probably missed more than half the reasons why Britons like this poem, but to me it has a flow and an upbeat quality to it that put a smile on my face despite my lack. I think you made a good decision not to rewrite it for universal appeal: I'll just consider the lunch date with my British friend as part of the homework of enjoying a good piece.

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The mind is its own place, and in itself
Can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven
-John Milton

Lorlie

Hey Pete.


I really enjoyed this piece,

This was so well worded that I instantly had a picture showing me the type of Dolly he attracted and how well he enjoyed the ease with which he could 'Pull the birds'.

For no reason that I can think of it made me think of 'Dell boy Trotter', the transition from being him to Inspector Frost, ( David Jasen).



Great work.

Lorlie

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Baron

I thought that it was the allied forces of John Wayne, Audie Murphy, Errol Flynn and Robert Mitchum.

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Eiji Tunsinagi

You were right, I got everything but the UNIGATE part - I had to google it. But after that, I totally got it. And I didn't really like it. I get the idea you're going for some kind of irony, but it didn't feel like it was sneaking up on me. It just felt random. But up to the end, great piece.

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"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."

"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"

J.R. MacLean

I like the way this delves into character and place. How fortunate we live in the Age of Google. Though I doubtless don't get all the allusions implied, I feel the ending added poignancy to the piece.

vangoghsear

Deeper character building than surface would imply.

I didn't get the references at first, but that isn't what worked for me anyway. I felt the passing of years and how it shifts our priorities and our personal perceptions. Good one Pete_C. I like your new direction, much deeper writing.

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If writing is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Pete_C

Thanks. I think too much of that happens, and we sometimes forget that flavour is as much a part of literature than any other genre.

I think it's an interesting choice, because the latter character is probably roughly the same. The younger man is a bit like Del in reverse. Del wants to be seen as someone but everyone knows he's a ordinary Joe; the character in the poem is an ordinary Joe that is viewed by others as someone special.

I read the book; it has a different ending!

I wasn't going for irony, more a poignant look at a life. You could substitute UNIGATE for any work-a-day business; it's not relevant. What is relevant is that he's just another one of the ordinary folk.

Thanks, that was the intention, to make him someone who was just humble.

In a nutshell, I am chuffed with that as I was aiming for a feeling of knowing the man without going into great detail.


Thanks all for the comments!